


Doing it Right this Time

by DoctorMongoose



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, F/M, Human AU, Human Castiel, Megstiel - Freeform, Teenage Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 11:17:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2148711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorMongoose/pseuds/DoctorMongoose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An unplanned pregnancy sends Meg running away from the one person she ever loved in Castiel.  Fifteen years later, they are thrown back together by a chance meeting over Meg's son.  Can they finally confront the feelings remaining from fifteen years before?  Or will the same secrets and forces that tore them apart then cause history to repeat itself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Co-Authored with http://the-witch-in-a-crowd-of-muggles.tumblr.com/ as she doesn't have an AO3 account.

It started out simple enough. Meg had teased Castiel about his trench coat, Castiel had agreed that it was quite dirty. She laughed at that, and the rest was history. They weren’t in the same circles, but they were connected by friends. Mostly Sam and Dean Winchester. Those two idiots thought it’d be a funny train wreck to introduce their most neat, organized friend to their most rebellious one. Of course, it had gone a very different way; they had met each other and clicked from the very first minuet.

 The relationship happened just as fast, but Meg hated to admit it. Meg opposed being called his girlfriend, but Castiel was a more traditional teenager and insisted until she said yes. That was the day she admitted to herself that she loved him, and he was more than just a play thing. He was important to her and special. He was a light in this hell hole, and if keeping him around meant going by some stupid title, she was going to do it.

 Meg has cursed that day many times, but she never truly regrets it until now.

 Although she would never admit it, she loves him. She loves his sweet kisses, awkward jokes, random facts, and the way he puts her first. She loves how intelligent he was, and how he was always open to doing new things. She loves her Clarence. Her dumb angel, with those big blue eyes and dirty trench coat. She can’t help but blame herself for getting in this mess. How could she allow herself to get into this? Because she loves him. Those pesky _feelings_ , Meg should’ve crushed them from the start, but no, she decided to allow them to live and grown.

 That’s why she has to do this. She has to leave him before he can get even more tangled up in her messy life, but God- does it hurt. He’s sitting in front of her, and she’s not sure she can do it. She’s not sure she’ll be able to say what needs to be said, afraid that her feelings will get in the way.

 "We’re done. I sure did love you, but now it’s a boring thing, ain’t it, Clarence?" Meg lets the words come out smoothly.

After all, she has practiced it in the mirror a thousand times before. She wants to focus on Castiel, she wants to memorize his jawline and cheekbones. The way he tilts his head when he’s confused, the rough parts of his hands, all of him, but she can’t, the damn pink plus sign takes up all of her mind, and it never leaves. She’s avoided a lot of things in her life, and this time she can’t.

 "Meg? What are you talking about?" Those blue eyes which were studying a book dart upwards.

They’re present with clear confusion, and she feels her breath escape. Why was he making it so hard? There was nothing more in the world she’d rather do than kiss his cheeks and say she had been lying, but she won’t. She can’t.

Grabbing onto a wooden chair, she digs her nails into it. Looking him in those damn blue eyes, she sees his potential. He could do something with his life, and if she stayed with him that’d be ruined. His future would be ruined; she’d just drag him down, and she couldn’t do that to him. Not her Clarence. Not her unicorn.

 "Do I have to spell it out, Cas? You’re the smart one here." Her brown eyes roll automatically as she fiddles with the zipper on the leather jacket. She just needs to get through this, but she can’t breathe, she can’t think, she can’t do a thing.

 "What’s wrong? What’s making you do this?" Castiel’s tone had always been rather proud if not a little shy, but at the moment he just sounds defeated and in disbelief.

He looks around, hopefully looking for a cause, as if the source of her words is in the library. As if perhaps this is a joke the Winchesters got her in on, but it’s not. After no sign of her words being lies, he allows his eyes to settle back onto her.

 There’s a pause on her part, and she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to pull through it. Her mind reminds her that they’re teenagers, it wasn’t going to last anyways. She knows that; he knows that, but deep down they were both hoping they’d be the exceptions.

 "I don’t love you. Want me to prove it? I cheated on you, and now I’m pregnant, happy now?" The words fell out of her mouth was much more venom than intended, but she realized the only way Castiel was going to let her go was if she broke his heart.

 Before he could even get a word out, she turns on her heels and walks as fast as she can, heels clacking obnoxiously on the floor. She can’t stand to be in there anymore, it physically hurts.  Already, she can feel her eyes watering up, sees her vision going blurry. It’s not until she sits in the piece-of-junk car that she lets it go.  Somewhere inside of Meg, she wishes Castiel would come out and chase her, but he doesn’t. He just sits there, staring at where she once was, where he wishes she was.

 The tears stream and strangled noises struggle throughout her. Waves of regret crash within her. Her pale cheeks are tinted red. She doesn’t know how long she sits there, trying to calm herself down. She just knows it’s a while. Hunching over, she holds a hand over her gut. It’ll be the only evidence of the two of them ever being happily together, but that’s better than nothing, she thinks.

 Castiel was worth it, even just for a few months. He was always worth it, and while it hurt like hell, she knows it’s worth it. For a moment, she met her angel, and that’s more than most people get.

"It’s gonna be okay. Everything will be alright, my fledging." She mumbles the words broken between dry sobs, stroking her stomach.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meg tries to deal with the aftermath of breaking things off with Castiel, but will he let her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-Authored with http://the-witch-in-a-crowd-of-muggles.tumblr.com/ as she doesn't have an AO3 account.

Meg was nearly hyperventilating at this point. She knew what she had done was the right thing; at least she had convinced herself of it. As much as Castiel may care for her now, there was no way she could ask this of him. She hated that she had to lie to him, but at this point in her life, with all the lies she had told, she was unsure which one she regretted the most. All she knew right now was that her heart was betraying her head. She wanted nothing more than to go running back to him. She wanted to curl herself into his touch, to feel safe again. She wished she could take all of this back, to not have to feel this way. Meg knows that wish is a lie, but she keeps telling herself it anyway. Maybe if she says it long enough it will come true.

Meg sat there crying, holding her stomach for what seemed like hours, but couldn’t have been more than 10 minutes before she heard a rap at the window.  She looked up startled to see Castiel standing there, looking even more miserable than she did.  Before she could say anything to shoo him away, he had climbed in the car and was staring at her.

She now wasn’t sure what was worse, what she had just said to him or having him stare right through her.  Meg knew that Castiel could see through her bullshit, she was an open book to him and it scared her.  In the end, she was scared of all those feelings he brought out in her, how _comfortable_ he made her feel.  The silence in the car was deafening, only broken occasionally by Meg’s sniffling.  Finally Castiel spoke, his voice low and choked with emotion, “I know you’re lying to me Meg. I don’t know what it is, I don’t know why, but  I know you’re scared of this and us, but just stop.  I told you then and I’ll tell you now, I will always protect you.”

This was Meg’s undoing.  _This wasn’t fair_ her mind screamed, _he can’t do this to me, not now_. She had to get out of the car, she was suffocating. Not just from everything Castiel had just said, but from all of this. She was staring down the only person that she had given her love to that hadn’t demanded it. What scared her most were the choices that Castiel gave her. She was finally around someone who didn’t demand anything of her. Meg had never had that freedom before, and in the end, that is what was frightening her. She can feel her resolve start to crumble as she manages to choke out, “Castiel please just go, I’m not worth your time. Listen to your mother for once, I’m bad news and you know it.”

Meg saw the angry tears well up in his eyes, she knew she had cut him deep. She thought back to how hard he had chased her. Always telling her how wonderful she was, how even though everyone else thought she was a freak he found her beautiful. How all her pain was what drew him to her. Most importantly, Castiel always believed she was worth whatever pain he had to go through to be with her. He fought so hard and here she was telling him that she wasn’t worth his efforts. Meg knew how to hurt him and she hated herself for it.

“Fuck my mother, Meg.”

Meg’s eyes widened. She had never heard Castiel swear, not once. Even as he said it, the words sounded foreign and sticky in his mouth, like he was struggling to get them out. Her tears stopped for a moment, her brown eyes meeting his bright blue, “I don’t care what has gotten into you, I don’t care what you did, I love you! There is no one out there who gets to tell me whether or not you are worth it except me. And I know that you are. I’m not going anywhere", Castiel said, his voicing echoing in the empty car.

This was Meg’s undoing.  She felt herself surge into his arms, sobbing freely, choking out apologies to him.  The relief she felt when he wrapped his arms around her was indescribable, like wings swaddling her in comfort.  She wanted to, needed to kiss him, but restrained herself.  She knew that Castiel needed some time to recover from everything she had said.  She was hoping he had seen through the lie about cheating on him, but she needed something to drive him away at the time.  Her thoughts finally calming, she heard Castiel whisper something that almost made her heart stop with equal parts joy and terror, “its ok Meg, I’m right here.  We’re going to be a family.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fifteen years after that fateful day, Meg is forced to return back to a place she thought she had left behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-authored with http://the-witch-in-a-crowd-of-muggles.tumblr.com/ as she does not have an AO3.

It’s been fifteen years since that happen, and Meg has been desperately trying to forget what happened next. She wishes that it had ended like he said it would, but all great love stories must end with tragedy, right? It’s what she told herself to stop her from looking back. If so then their story was better than epic poems, she’d often say to her son.

Samuel would always insist that she find him, that if they reunited then surely he would take them both. The way his mother described him, he sounded like he really loved her. His mother would always shake her head gently, a thin-lipped smile that held a certain sadness on her face as she messed up her son’s tangle of curls that he inherited from her.

 “We don’t need him, kiddo. We have each other. You’re my little fledgling.” Although she always meant it whenever she said it, she wondered how differently Samuel would’ve grown up with a father around. He had plenty of father figures around to replace Castiel, but only a few of those gave her little boy positive effects.

When Meg was pregnant, she was living with friends. Most of the time she’d sleep at the Harvelle’s bar or the Winchester’s couch. She knew that eventually have to stop it, but she was saving up all the money she could while working two jobs. She was attempting to prepare, but of course, how do you prepare for being a single mother? One day she was at the bar, her pregnancy barely showing as she flung darts. Every once and a while she’d get the urge to drink but had to suppress it. Hitting a bullseye, a charming young man came up from behind. His blonde hair neat and orderly while his blue eyes held a glimmer of amusement.

 “Congratulations, can I buy you a drink?” She turned and he was one of the most beautiful men she’d ever seen, taking third place.

 “I’m afraid you can’t, sweetheart. I heard its real bad for kids.” She replied gesturing to her stomach, her face forcing a grin. It’s not like she had moved on from Castiel, but she knew she had to. There was no point in waiting around for her angel to show up.

 “Oh no, the father’s not going to come out and punch me, is he?” His voice held all the amusement in the world as if he was just told a joke, a grin sliding onto a face that replicated hers. An eyebrow rose as he put a hand out.

“No. Meg Masters at your service.”  She took hold of his hand, and she couldn’t help but note how cold his fingers were and how different they were from Castiel’s.

“Lucifer Henson,” He shook her hand sturdy enough.

 After that, things were different. Lucifer was out of college and could financially support her and the little one coming on its way. He was ecstatic for the child, always mumbling about how he always wanted to be a dad and how Meg was glowing with beauty of pregnancy. It was like a dream, he was always there when seventeen year old Meg needed him and he wasn’t pressuring. She realized he was lonely and would often make food for him and spoon with him just like a real couple should.

 This didn’t last long, after seven months of bliss, Lucifer wasn’t so gentle anymore. She always made excuses for it to the boys when they visited her.

“Oh, this? Don’t worry, Gabe, I’ve gotten worse.”

“Dean, he’s a doll, please, he’s done so much for me, and I upsetted him. He already apologized.”

“Jo, he doesn’t hurt me, I promise. You should see him.”

 After a while she began to sound like a broken record, always making excuses for Lucifer. Always saying she had aggravated him, saying that he didn’t really mean it. Loyalty was always a tricky thing with Meg. She believed in you until you tried to control her. Lucifer knew this and was smart, he never overtly controlled her. He just let her come back to him time and time again. It was Meg’s greatest strength and her greatest weakness.

 

The baby was due any day, and that’s when her friends had enough of it. They fought hard to get her out of the relationship, but it did happen. Sam allowed her to stay with him and Jess, but she understood that she shouldn’t stay. The two kids had a future, and she wasn’t going to help ruin that either. Understanding this, she was prepared to name her child after either of them. Which lead to the name Samuel Masters being given to a baby boy with warm, brown eyes and black hair.

 After two months, she told Jess she had to go. Meg knew Sam would never allow for her to leave, but Jess understood.

She took all the money she saved and moved to tiny town in Texas called Brady. It was a traditional little town with three little restaurants, one high school, and two hotels. It was a charming area, the homeless amount was small and there was a large park so spectacular that books might have well been written about it. She finished high school online, and worked at a in-the-hole diner.

 After 12 years of this simple life, Azazel called her. They spoke on rare occasions, so for him to call her she knew he wanted something. Azazel was ill, quite awfully too. He required assistance from his only daughter, so she up and left. Family was more important than anything. Going back to that haunting town, she homeschooled her son until high school.

 

Within those three years, she became a nurse, working graveyard shifts. Samuel became quite the prankster thanks to Gabriel being there and helping out. Sam and Jess had got hitched and stayed in point place, Dean was a single mechanic, and Jo had taken over the small bar. It was surprising how easily Meg returned and fit in. Nobody mentioned Castiel for all three years, which she was entirely grateful for. It also, in her mind, meant that he must’ve moved on and done something amazing with his life. She was often tempted to google the man, but she’d always stop herself.

 All in all, her life was going pretty well. She still shudders when she thinks of Lucifer and everything she went through, but luckily he never came calling which was for a while her biggest fear. She had dates every once and a while, Samuel had decent grades, and she could support the two of them and feed her son every night. Fifteen years ago she didn’t think it possible to be happy without her angel, but it was proving different. There life was better than any of their group could imagine it could have been. The lie she told so long ago seemed to be coming true. She did her best to ignore the dreams that told her otherwise.

  
It was the end of a long shift when she decided to check her phone and saw she got a call from some teacher named Mr. Milton who wanted to talk about her son. He didn’t sound too happy, and she couldn’t help but worry.

After multiple voicemail they decided to set up a meeting on a Friday at 4:30 as trying to get the message through phone calls just wasn’t cutting it.

Running a bit late, Meg ran into the high school. She couldn’t help note how similar it was to when she use to go. It almost felt like she was in high school again, but she forgot about that as she jogged to the religion classroom. Same place as fifteen years ago. Before entering, Meg wiped the sweat from her brow and pulled a curl of hair behind her ear. Stepping into the doorway, she couldn’t help but stop. He was right there in front of her, or at least she thought so. It was an identical image to him.

“Clarence?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel must deal with fifteen years of feelings he thought he had locked away. What happens when that door gets kicked down?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-Authored with http://the-witch-in-a-crowd-of-muggles.tumblr.com/ as she doesn't have an AO3 account.

Castiel was still dumbstruck when he had gotten home. The last thing he remembered was being awestruck at seeing Meg, mumbling an apology and asking to reschedule. He realized that he couldn’t remember the last forty five minutes. He was sitting in his classroom; he heard her voice and the next thing he knew he was home with a double Makers Mark in his hand. He grimaced and pushed the drink away, knowing he should follow Naomi’s advice. _You can’t hide away in the bottle Castiel_ , her voice echoing in his head. Castiel groaned, his head in hands, trying to process the situation. He hadn’t seen Meg in fifteen years; this shouldn’t be bothering him that much. He had moved on, made good with his life. Hadn’t he?

Trying to ignore all the memories and doubts that were running rampant through his mind, Castiel chose the easiest thing to do which was to go talk to his wife. His beautiful Naomi, he smiled thinking about all the wonderful time they had spent together. What she had done for him after Meg had left, after the bottle and the pills and the long years of nearly killing himself over a life he had lost. Castiel gave a small, sad smile to the urn on the mantle of the fireplace, “Hello, dear. I hope you had a better day than I did.”

Castiel’s mind was thrown back to a much darker time in his life. When he had lost Meg, when she ran away from him for good he had hit the bottom. He crawled into a bottle of booze and pills for longer than he felt good admitting. He still can’t remember the first three years after Meg left, too much drug use, too many nights crying himself dry. Five years ago it finally became too much for him, and he broke a window and cut his wrists. He woke up in the hospital, tied to a bed with a very angry looking nurse looming over him. That was when he met Naomi.

Castiel’s mind was invaded by thoughts of Meg, and he smiled at the irony. How he had pursued her, Naomi had done the same for him. Neither of them were sure when it turned from “doing her job” to “love”, but it was a strange and wonderful moment for the both of them. Castiel, finally crawling his way back from the depths of hell as Naomi had called it and Naomi finding love after her first husband’s death. They often joked about how they must be each other’s unicorns, made for each other because only the two of them with so much emotional baggage could have made it work. Castiel loved her so much, enough that he never had the heart to tell her she was his second unicorn.

Castiel’s thoughts darkened again, his mind turning back to Meg. He should be angry at her, he should be furious. After what she did to him? How no matter what he gave to her, all the love and support she ran off with that…that piece of scum. The crash of glass was only drowned out by his scream of rage as it echoed around the house. Castiel sighed and went to clean up the broken glass and spilled whiskey. _Why am I not more angry at her_ , he thought, _Why am I just sad_?

 _You know why_ , Naomi’s voice echoed in his head. Castiel sighed, his dead wife telling him what to do even beyond the veil. So maybe he was young and stupid, and for all his love for Meg, he still made mistakes. He learned too late what Lucifer was able to use from the start: you don’t try to control Meg. Things were going so well between the two of them for so long. It was the middle of the third month when Castiel proposed to her. He had just graduated, was applying for classes at the local college and it just seemed right. Whether it was his child or not, this was his family, these were the people he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He thought that surprising Meg would do the trick that showing her all the amazing plans he had for them would make her happy. The next time her saw her she had her arms around the blonde haired prick.

Castiel gasped as he cut his finger on the glass he was cleaning, the pain breaking him out of his memories. He grimaced and went to the kitchen, digging out the first aid kit to clean his wound. He thought back to Naomi and what she had told him when he talked about Meg. He was so lucky, Naomi was never jealous, never reprimanded him. She understood he was still struggling with all of this, even years later. Naomi had shown him, helped him to understand Meg better in a few short conversations than he had in all the time they spent together. Castiel gave a sardonic smirk at the idea of teenagers knowing everything, how foolish he had been back then. Maybe that was why he was so sad now, with everything he knew; maybe he could make it work this time….

Castiel shook his, banishing the fantasies from his mind. He finished wrapping his hand and turned his thoughts to the task at hand. He sighed again, even louder this time: Sam. Maybe that was why he was so drawn to the young man; he was the son he almost had. Even through all the confusion, Castiel couldn’t help but smile. He had been teaching for a few years at this point, but without a doubt, Sam would go places. He was the brightest student Castiel had ever seen, talented not just in academics but artistic pursuits as well. He was like a miracle, always respectful, hardworking and never short on a joke. At least until a few weeks ago.

It had been little things at first, jokes getting more stinging, responses coming in more sarcastic, rumors of scuffles with other students. The next thing he knew, Castiel was breaking up a fight between him and a senior at school. This small, sixteen year old boy was fighting one of the biggest kids in the school and winning. Hell, if Castiel hadn’t been so furious he would have been impressed. It was the last straw at that point; Castiel had to call his mother.

Castiel should have made the connection, with the last name Masters and those expressive brown eyes, but it had been so long that Castiel had almost forgotten. _No_ , he thought, _not forgotten, locked away_. Castiel was utterly exhausted at this point, opting to not stress over this anymore until he had to. Which, as he fell asleep, he remembered was tomorrow.

***

Meg was nervous for the first time since she left Lucifer. She felt that similar cold fist in the pit of her stomach, her body tense. She was getting ready to run again, even though she knew she shouldn’t, she couldn’t. After their abrupt meeting yesterday, Meg hadn’t slept. She did the same thing Castiel had spent the night doing, retracing every decision she had ever made leading up to this point. She was almost angry at Sam for being such a little brat to force her into this situation, but she knew it wasn’t fair. Deep down, in places Meg didn’t like to go except in her dreams, she had almost hoped for this. Whether it was a second chance, the ability to make amends or just to see him again, here was her shot.

Castiel paced around his classroom unsure of what to do.  He was trying to convince himself this was any other parent teacher conference, like the hundreds he has done before without issue.  _Why would this be any different?_ he thought to himself, almost believing it.  _You know why_ a little voice in the back of his mind told him.  A voice he knew all too well, a voice smoky and dark, but full of life.  A voice he loved and hated all at the same time. The voice that had tortured his dreams all through the night.

A knock on the door broke him out of his reverie as the owner of that voice sauntered into his classroom, still wearing her scrubs from work.  Castiel gulped audibly, unsure of what to do.  All of this was so new to him; he thought that this was over years ago.  He cleared his throat and decided professionalism would be the best course of action, “Miss Masters, thank you for agreeing to meet with me so late.”

Meg was almost stung by his choice of words. _Miss Masters_?! After everything that had happened, he had the nerve to treat her like other people. Meg was furious for a moment, but finally looked at Castiel for the first time since being shocked by him yesterday. His eyes, those damn blue eyes of his were bright with emotion. She could see how tense his shoulders were, she saw how hard this was for him. She wasn’t the only one who suffered in the interim fifteen years. Her heart almost broke, she wanted to take his hand, make it better like she once did, but she knew she couldn’t. She didn’t even know if she had that in her anymore. So Meg chose her tried and true method of making her angel smile, “Miss Masters? Really Clarence, that’s what we’re doing now?”

It worked, Castiel’s face softening, his old nickname floating over him like a blanket. Meg had to calm herself down; she was starting to panic again. She didn’t realize what just saying that name would do to her. She wanted to run, but couldn’t. Even if she could, she forgot how comforting Catiel’s presence was, and even after all this time, how much she missed it.

Castiel cursed inwardly, hating how easily that named slipped back over him. He worked so hard to move past this and now it was all coming undone in a few short sentences.  He would have traded anything to be able to have someone else do this for him.  At the same time he couldn’t ignore the way his heart thumped a little harder when she called him “Clarence” or the way she looked at him.  “I called you here because Sam has been having some problems with the other students.  He’s gone from a quiet, studious young man to engaging in fights for no reason and then talking back, even to me.  Do you have any idea what has gotten into him?”

"Well like Mother like son right?  Or is it the other way around?  Look Cas, I don’t know what is going on, nothing is happening at home and he doesn’t talk to me.  Hell, he tells me that you’re the only adult he talks to at all.  If anything, you would know better than me" Meg spat back at him.

Castiel was confused at the bitterness in her voice.  Was she jealous of her son’s relationship with him?  It wasn’t anything special; he just wanted to see a bright boy like Sam succeed.  Other than that it was nothing. _Or was it_? Castiel thought. He had always been drawn to Sam, and the revelation from the past few days cast their relationship in a much different light.

Meg was kicking herself, angry she couldn’t hide how pissed she was.  Not just at her son but at Castiel.  _How dare he lecture me on parenting_ she thought _He was never there, he has no right, he doesn’t know what it is like to raise a child on your own_.  A little voice in the back of her head growled _you never gave him that chance.  Maybe this is biology’s way of making up for lost time_.  Meg sighed through gritted teeth, realizing she had just been ignoring everything Castiel had just said, “I’m sorry Clarence, blanked out there for a minute, what were you saying?”

Hearing her voice so strained made Catiel forget what he was saying as well. For a brief moment, he was taken back fifteen years, that same voice telling him to listen to his mother. That same voice he had chased so hard for so long, only to lose her in the end. That voice and those eyes that were giving him that same look now he had seen then, begging for help even though she wouldn’t dare ask for it, too afraid to turn to him. He loved and hated her all at once in that moment, but in the end, your first unicorn never really leaves you.

Meg was staring into those deep blue eyes. Castiel had his thinking face on, one she knew very well. Whatever he was thinking about worried her. It most likely involved her son, herself and a father who didn’t know he was. More importantly, Meg thought she knew why Sam was acting out but couldn’t bear to tell Castiel. When they had moved back here, Meg had told Sam that this is where he was conceived, that she had met his father here. She knew he had started digging through old records, looking up and interviewing anyone still around from back then. She was terrified that he might have discovered who his father was.

Castiel finally found his voice, clearing his throat before the words began to flow, “Meg, Sam is a bright young man. Before all of this he was the best student I have seen in my life. He has everything going for him and he will go far. But right now, we need to figure out what is going on, because he’s going to throw all that away if he keeps this up. I think we need to sit down and talk to him together. If what you say is true and that I am one of the few adults he talks to, maybe together we can get through to him. You’re his mother and I guess I’m his father figure, between the two of us there should be at least one functioning adult.”

Meg’s heart broke at the mention of the “f” word. She wanted to break down and scream at him the truth, tell him everything, apologize for everything, but she couldn’t. She knew what that meant, she wasn’t about to give up the freedom she had fought so hard to earn from Lucifer thrown at Castiel as soon as she saw him again. She was lost in her own thoughts when she felt Castiel take her hand and stare deep into her eyes. It was the first time they had actually shared eye contact willingly since seeing each other. Meg was transfixed, unable to pull away from the wave of warmth that flowed over her and the soft comfort of her hand in his. How much she missed it. She was still lost in the feeling when Castiel started to speak again, “He’s a great kid, Meg. Smart, creative and funny as hell. He has a great future ahead of him, let’s both get him there.”

Meg’s eyes almost started tearing up at this, her mind flashing to all the what ifs and never weres in the years since she had left.  Her hand in his, talking like the father she wished she had faith to let him be all those years ago, she simply nodded her head.  _What the fuck am I getting myself into?_ she thought with an equal mix of dread and hope.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Meg have reached a tenuous truce over Samuel. Can they come together and make things work? Or is it all an exercise in futility?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-Authored with http://the-witch-in-a-crowd-of-muggles.tumblr.com/ as she doesn't have an AO3 account.

Both Meg and Castiel stood there in an incredibly awkward silence, neither of them sure what to do next in this situation. Both of them had never dealt with something like this before, but it was Meg who noticed that Castiel’s fingers were making small slow circles on the back of her hand. She hadn’t realized it until then, but it was calming her down from all the stress she had been feeling not moments ago. Their eyes met again, Meg blushing and looking away. Castiel finally release her hand, stood up awkwardly and began to speak.

Before she left, they agreed that they needed to have a healthier relationship or Samuel wouldn’t listen to either of them. It began with Castiel sending her stiffly written e-mails, and to that Meg would roll her eyes and chuckle at them ever so quietly that she wasn’t even aware of it. He hasn’t changed in all ways, and that was a nice thought to hold onto. Reading the latest one, she intently read the paragraphs. It had been a week or so, and he hadn’t loosened up at all. Her own words had started out awkward and defensive; even now, they still had the slight sense of the tone. It was just lighter now, almost undetectable. Castiel’s e-mails were starting to make her feel uncomfortable and all her amusement before was starting to drain. It was just so strange. Most of her memories were of them being comfortable, not whatever this was. She knows it’s awkward, but they’re supposed to be getting past that, aren’t they?

“Hey, Cas, this ain’t working out.” She cringes as she types the words out, wasn’t that what she had said when she broke up with him? Or something identical to it, at least. Licking her lips, she deletes the six words, wondering how to word it. Perhaps she could try to sounds as formal as he did.

“Castiel,

It has come to my attention that the e-mails we exchange will not help us in any way. I thank you tremendously for keeping me updated on my son, but I think we should talk in person or something like that. If that’s okay with you, of course. My last wish is to make you uncomfortable.

Meg Masters”

Her brown eyes scan it hundreds of times, she thinks it sounds fine, although she did lose her sense of formality in one part. That’d be okay though because it’d sound strange coming from her if it was all formal, and she wanted to give him plenty of options. She sent it, hesitant if there were still errors. Looking at the time, she realized she had to go to the hospital and ran to the door as fast as she could. _Damn_ , she thought, _even now he makes me lose track of time._ Yeah, not everything had changed, but maybe it’d be better if it did.

After seven hours of dealing with an enormous amount of puke and pills, she arrived home, practically falling asleep. The only way she knew she was awake and it wasn’t a dream was because how she could feel the bags already forming her eyes. Just as she was about to hit the hay, she thought of the message she sent. That got her right awake, as adrenaline suddenly rushed through her veins. _Maybe he didn’t even respond_ , she reasoned with herself, but that didn’t stop her from checking her laptop. Fingers stumbling over each other as they hurriedly typed in the password and username.

There it was. One message from Castiel Milton. Unread and sitting there, its letters bolded, telling her to read them. Begging her to read them. Taking a deep breath, she opened it. Pretty much because her brain was too tired to process his vocabulary, she pulled out that it was a yes and that he was free after work tomorrow if that worked for her.

Falling asleep in a cloud of content, she had the best sleep she had in a while. This was going to work, Samuel was going to be okay after they did this, and that’s all the hope she could have at the moment. Her son was going to live up to his potentialities; his life was going to be ten times better than hers. Everything she had sacrificed her life for was for her son to go places in life. To not have a life that compared slightly to his growing up because he deserved better. That kid was smarter than hell; he had potential. Samuel wasn’t meant to be stuck in the gutters like his mom had.

The day flashed by in the blink of an eye for Castiel and her. It was as if they were both barreling towards this one event. They were like two teenagers about to go on a first date, and while Castiel dreaded the thought, Meg laughed at it. _It was kind of ridiculous, wasn’t it_ , she thought, _though not unlike the last time we did this_.

Meg arrived at the school in casual clothes, not losing her sense of style over the years which could’ve been considered strange, but she loved it. Leather jacket, tight jeans, a Clash t-shirt, and boots that clomped on the tile. She walked as if she owned the school, looking straight ahead to Cas’ room. Walking into the room though, her confidence dwindled rapidly. She was afraid of how everything was going to go down, but she had to do it. She needed to get over those stupid feelings for her family.

“You didn’t write back. I didn’t know if you would show up.” The words travelled out of his mouth into the air as she walked in.

He didn’t even have to look; he knew that sound; the sound of Meg Masters walking into your life. She wasn’t sure, but she could’ve sworn there was a hint of relief within his voice. Maybe he thought she was going to leave again, but she wasn’t going to ask.

“Well, hell, I would never think of disappointing you.” Her voice was silky and deep just like it always was, and it comforted the part of the man that had been stirred by her presence.

The silence that lay between the two of them just sat there, beckoning someone to speak, teasing them. It taunted their lack of words and it drove Meg insane. It made her throat itch for words, but Castiel seemed comfortable inside of it. In fact, he seemed calmer. His face at peace as he just stood there, shoulders hunching a bit.

“Let’s get ice cream.” Meg didn’t even realize what she was saying until the words escaped her tongue, and a smirk adorned her face.

It was a childish idea, but maybe simplicity was what they both needed. Maybe they need that pure, child-like innocence. Something small to get things started again. Another pause followed her words, Castiel’s tongue swiped over his mouth, a sign of thinking.

“I’d like that. We can take my car.” He nodded as he spoke, a light smile decorating the features on his face, making him look ten years younger.

It was nicer than her ratty car, and its paint seemed to glisten in the sunlight. She slid into the passenger seat before he could get her door open, but she thought the gesture was pretty nice. Over the years, she had turned hard. Now and days, she hated when people did things like that for her. It made her feel incapable and too innocent for her taste. The car ride was filled with some band she’d never heard, but she thought the beat was pretty alright. Pulling up to a shack, Castiel parked.

“Huh, I didn’t know this place was still open.” She scrambled out of the car, closing the door behind her.

Its walls use to be cherry red, but now it looked like it was fading. All he responded was with a nod, gracefully sliding out of the car and standing next to her. Standing side by side, they both felt the memories rush back through them. Meg went ahead of him, opening the door, to be greeted with a jingle above the door. Practically skipping to the counter, she plopped her elbows on the counter, scanning the flavors of ice cream.

“We’ll have double scoop cookie dough in a waffle cone and a scoop of butterscotch in a bowl. Please and thank you.” Castiel replied, not even surveying the flavors. Taking out a few bucks, he placed them on the counter, smearing them over the glass.

“You remembered?” An eyebrow quirked up, curious as of why he’d remember something so small and so silly.

“Well, yes. Here you go,” Taking the cone; he passed it over to the shorter being.

“How sweet of you, Clarence.” Her voice dripped with sarcasm accompanied with a roll of her eyes, trying to hide her emotions which even Meg didn’t know she could feel anymore.

A sly, small smile slid onto his face because Castiel could tell what she was really thinking. Walking outside, they sat on a park bench that was practically falling apart and the grey wood was splintering on the edges.“Hey, wanna hear a joke, Cas?” She said through a mouth full of ice cream, the coldness tingling over her tongue.

“Alright. What’s your joke?” His words were still stiff because he couldn’t act professional; he didn’t know what to do or how to act. It was such an uncomfortable position for him, but there was Meg sitting across from him, acting as if nothing had changed.

“What angel fails the most?” Meg had a tight smile that was on the verge of opening up and saying the answer, “Loseifer!” She exclaimed it like it was the funniest thing in the world.

Religion and angel humor should’ve been right up his alley, after all he was named after one. She got a slight chuckle and a nod from him.

Looking back, it was that small joke on a rather uneventful day that was the breakthrough they needed. Castiel let up and acted as human as he could be. Their e-mails slowly stopped sounding like business letters. They were progressively hanging out, and after another week, they were friends. They texted every hour to each other and she told jokes to him. He gave comments on how being a teacher was different than he thought it’d be. They hung out every two days and did different things. Meg would pull Castiel into stores and ask for his opinions on dresses and Castiel would slightly roll his eyes.

They didn’t recognize it but things were changing. Two people to whom companionship had died somewhere down the road and they chose to ignore the pain it brought. It took both Meg and Castiel a while to realize it, but they were friends again; awkward, strange, completely mismatched friends. It was like it was those many years ago when she first made fun of that dirty trench coat he was always wearing; they both had someone to rely on which was what they both needed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meg and Castiel continue to grow closer. However, the shadow of dealing with Sam looms. Can they finally come together or will they be unable to stop the cycle of mistakes started so many years ago?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-Authored with http://the-witch-in-a-crowd-of-muggles.tumblr.com/ as she doesn't have an AO3 account.

It had been several weeks since Meg and Castiel had become friends again before Castiel realized something was different. He had already accepted the fact that they were friends again, he enjoyed it, and certainly he had missed it over all these years. Something was off though, Castiel could feel it. It felt as though they were slipping back into what they were fifteen years ago, before everything went to hell. They were teenagers again, awash in the famed “honeymoon period” of a new relationship. Castiel caught himself thinking about her in the middle of a lecture and smiling like a fool, Meg would find her thoughts wandering to him during a shift at the hospital. They talked to almost every hour of the day, and went to see each other almost as much.

For Castiel, it was heaven on earth. He was feeling calm for the first time since Naomi had died. He thought back to her favorite phrase whenever Meg entered his mind: “we’re doing it right this time, Cas” she would say. She always threw it at him, lovingly, but playfully whenever he broke something or refused to follow the instructions for putting together their new bookshelf or whatever it was. He would get a ruffle of his hair, a kiss on the cheek and her playful little reprimand. Now, in the throes of happiness and calm, he thought about Meg in that same way. _I’m not throwing this away again,_ he thought, _we’re doing it right this time_.

Meg on the other hand, had no idea what she was doing. While this was nothing new to her, she hated the fact that she couldn’t control herself when it came to Castiel. Everything she had feared might happen had. She tried to ignore that voice in the back of her mind that told her she was _hoping_ for it to happen as well, but it was becoming harder to shut it out these days. What scared her most is not her feelings for Castiel, she realized after Lucifer that no one could replace her angel, but what was going to happen when they finally confronted Sam. At this point, she was almost sure he knew something about his father’s identity, and it scared her to holy hell what it would do to Castiel if he found out. She was struggling with whether or not she wanted to confront him about it before she and Castiel sat down with him, but he refused to talk to her at all. Sam had been noticing how much time she had been spending with Castiel and it felt like he was punishing his mother for going back to the man who he felt abandoned them. _If only you knew, Sammy_ , Meg thought ruefully.

But Sam didn't know; at least Meg wasn't completely sure he did. He could've just been going through a phase or something like that; kids do that a lot, right? Yeah, she reassured herself, he could've not known. Then again, he also could've. There was no way to know unless she came right out and asked him, but the result could only short of disastrous. She'd practically be showing her fear and he'd be able to work it out from there. These thoughts crossed her mind when she drove to the movie theatre. She and Castiel were going to go see some sci-fi movie. The thoughts of Sam and what she was going to do about this mess so consumed her that she barely noticed actually arrived.

Castiel waited outside the theatre, ruffling his mop of hair. It was chilly outside, but he was insistent on waiting for her. Upon spotting her, a small smile fell on his face. Looking at her at that moment was like he was a teenager. Of course, this wasn't the first time it felt like that. He always chose to shove that thought away, but it was always there, always that smoky voice in the back of his mind teasing him. Popping up whenever they saw each other again.

"Hey, just gimme a second, I gotta go pay for my ticket."

She was jogging up the concrete stairs, hugging herself tightly to contain the heat. Flicking the end of her grey scarf, she walked towards the line of busy people.

"Meg," Castiel shook his head, smile still on his face, "I already bought yours."

She turned her head, her hair sliding from her shoulders, flowing to her back. Rolling her eyes, she walked over to Castiel. "You didn't have to do that, but thank you," she said swinging an arm around Castiel's shoulders, she plopped a kiss on his cheek.

"It was no problem." He replied, shrugging as if what she was doing wasn't affecting him like crazy.

Like that kiss didn't make his head spin. They walked in like that, Meg thoughtlessly rambling about some guy at a hospital who told bad puns. He chatted about the movie and how he read somewhere it wasn't that good.

"I haven't seen any couples see this movie. It's not really a date movie; I guess marriage does that to people," a teenager with flaming red hair said as she took their tickets, muttering the last statement under her breath.

Meg jerked her arm away and Castiel shifted away from her, Meg quick to correct her. Both of them didn’t even notice what they were doing. Castiel shuffled awkwardly, not knowing what to do with his arms, wanting desperately to wrap them back around Meg’s shoulders again. Meg was fuming, angry at herself for again getting caught up in the beacon of comfort that was Castiel, but still unable to get rid of that voice in her head that screamed _just kiss him already you idiot_! Meg also couldn’t deny the twitchiness in her fingers, wanting to lock them back between Castiel’s. _This is getting out of hand_ , she thought with a grim smile. The voice replied, _yeah but you like it_.

"Oh no, we're not a couple." Meg's face was as flushed as the other girl's hair. Before the teenager had the time to reply, Castiel took hold of her hand and squeezed it lightly in a comforting way, pulling her towards the theatre. Neither of them noticed that once out of sight of the ticket booth they were both arm in arm again, Meg slightly snuggling into Castiel’s coat for warmth. Meg didn’t notice until she sat down, Castiel’s arm still wrapped protectively around her shoulders. She looked over at him take in the previews, and as she went to move the arm away, she finally realized she wasn’t afraid anymore. The voice in her head had won this round at least. Sighing inwardly, but a little less nervous than before, Meg allowed herself to settle into the comfort that was Castiel.

The movie went by before they knew it. There was an oblivious character, aliens, lots of fight scenes, some guy who gets the girl at the end. Same plot as half of the movies in the world. Castiel had found it lacking development, but Meg liked it. She enjoyed action, and the movie definitely had a lot of gore. Like the gentleman he was, he walked her to her car and gave her his trench coat, although she gave a fight.

Neither of them wanting the evening to end, Castiel suggested getting coffee, which was amusing to no end to Meg. “What, are we on a date, Clarence,” she asked with a cocked eyebrow and a knowing smile.

“Well according to our red headed friend from earlier it appears so, and you are wearing my coat to boot. I think it is a safe assumption to make,” Castiel retorted with a wink.

Meg felt her heart do some flips. She was in dangerous territory here. Her mind was racing a mile a minute, and Castiel could feel her tense up, his arm still wrapped around her shoulder for warmth. Sensing she was anxious, Castiel sat Meg down on a bench, “I’m sorry Meg, I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, it’s just…things have been going so well lately I…..” Castiel paused, unable to finish what he wanted to say.

Meg eyed him cautiously; unsure of what she was feeling. She was still so nervous about all of this. Meg never got scared, at least not for a long time. It wasn’t the same fear she felt when she first left Lucifer, or even the same fear she felt the first time with Castiel. This was a new kind of fear, something hopeful and horrifying all at the same time. _Oh hell_ , she thought, _I’m falling for him again_. This was not good; or was it? Meg’s mind was racing again, and she was on the urge of a panic attack.

Castiel could see that Meg was starting to unravel, unsure of what he should be doing. He was suddenly flung back fifteen years to that damn car. It was like watching something on instant replay. The way her shoulders were starting to heave up and down, Meg’s breathing ragged. Castiel felt the same icy talons of fear in his heart, afraid of what to do or not to do. Suddenly broken out of his thoughts at the sound of a small whine coming from the woman next to him, Castiel dared to look. What he saw both comforted and scared him the same instant.

Meg was staring at him, tears in her eyes, pupils wide with fear. _No, wait_ , Castiel thought, _something is different this time._ It finally hit him like a ton of bricks _she’s asking for my help this time_. He wasn’t chasing her, trying to force her to open up or even watching her run. Castiel could see everything written clear as day in those dark brown orbs. She was asking for his help, she needed him. Steadying himself for a moment, Castiel slowly wrapped his arms around Meg, pulling her into a tight embrace.

With that small motion, the dam broke. Meg curled into Castiel, sobbing brokenly, geeting out half formed sentences between sobs. Castiel just sat there, her shoulder tucked protectively under his chin, his nose buried in her hair. Neither knew how long they stayed on the bench, but it was Castiel who finally broke the silence, “Meg, it’s ok.”

Meg looked up at him with tears still running down her face. Her mind was screaming at her to both run and stay all at once. She couldn’t take it, feeling another panic attack coming on. Feeling her tense up again, Castiel did the one thing he could think of in that moment. He kissed her.

The kiss was soft, almost chaste but it was everything Meg needed. She felt her mind calm, her body warming and she felt herself sinking deeper into Castiel’s embrace. A small, comfortable sound came from the back of her throat, causing Castiel to smile against her lips. With a small groan, he pulled away from Meg and looked deep into her eyes. He saw the fear reflected in them, but also hope. Hope he thought had died a long time ago, and it made his heart beat just a little faster to see it again. He licked his lips before slowly speaking, his wife’s voice echoing in his head, “It’s ok Meg. We’re doing it right this time.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conversation with Sam is finally upon them. Will they be able to set him straight or will everything finally come to a head?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-Authored with http://the-witch-in-a-crowd-of-muggles.tumblr.com/ as she doesn't have an AO3 account.

To say that Castiel was nervous didn’t do the feeling of nervousness justice. Abject terror might have been a better way to describe the current way his stomach was trying to escape through his mouth. That was probably the reason why he had been standing on Meg’s doorstep for the better part of thirty minutes trying to get up the courage to knock on the door. Granted, he still had fifteen minutes until they technically were supposed to meet and talk with Samuel, so Castiel reasoned he could take some time to try and calm down. After all, he needed to go into this with a clear head. He was an a teacher for the love of God, lecturing a student should be second nature to him. _Keep telling yourself he is just a student_ , a side voice said in the back of his mind.

Meg was faring no better, having been up since six am pacing around her house. She had already cleaned the kitchen twice, done a month’s worth of laundry and was currently in the middle of cleaning the bathroom from top to bottom. At this point she was just trying to kill time until Castiel showed up at nine thirty. Beyond waking up at a hellish hour, she had not really slept the previous night. After parting ways with Castiel after the movie, no after the _kiss_ , she was even more flustered than before.

She was angry at herself. She was jubilant at the situation. She was falling all over again for her unicorn. And most importantly, she was utterly terrified about all of this. At this point, there was no amount of convincing Meg could do that stopped her from knowing that Sam knew who Castiel was. There were only a few ways that today was going to end, and none of them were good. What terrified her most was not what her son would say or do, but what would happen to Castiel. What would he do? How would he react? What was it going to do to them? To him and Sam? Meg was kicking herself up and down the house. _StupidstupidstupidSTUPID_ , she raged in her head, _I knew this would happen, I saw it coming from a mile away. Why can’t I just let go?!_

_Oh shut the fuck up, I’m tired of hearing you complain._ Meg grimaced, grinding her teeth together. That damn voice, always that damn voice, throwing everything right back at her. She finally sorted her head enough to make who it was after all this time. _Dean_ , she thought menacingly, _get the fuck out of my head, this isn’t your life you get to screw up!_

_Meg, please, the moment you saw him you wanted this. Hell you needed this. I’m a fucking manifestation of your subconscious telling you that you chose to do all this, consequences be damned_ _because you have never stopped being in love with the guy!_

_DEAN SHUT THE FUCK…_

_CAN IT SISTER! You’re not even arguing with Dean, you’re arguing with yourself. You know that you fucked up all those years ago. You were scared, you were a kid, but you threw away what you wanted because what? The father of your child proposed to you? Oh no, how horrible that he didn’t even know the kid was his and he still wanted Sammy to have a father! You are too goddamn stubborn and fucking loyal for your own good. Give it to everyone who doesn’t need it!_

_I was seven-fucking-teen Dean! How was I supposed to make a decision like that then? I hadn’t even experienced life when all this happened and I’m supposed to go run and get married to angel food cake over there? Nuh-uh you know I need to be able to spread my wings a bit._

_Yeah? How did that work out for you, Meg? How did the grand Lucifer experiment end up,_ Meg could almost hear the smirk in Dean’s voice.

_Shut up._

_Cause that was a big ol’ walk in the park wasn’t it?_

_I said can it Dean._

_I mean it only took fifteen years but at least now you can make things right_ , Dean’s voice taunted.

_DEAN SHUT THE FUCK UP!_

Meg’s mind finally went silent. She was breathing heavily, as though she had just been sprinting. She could feel the wetness on her cheeks and put her head in her hands. Finally she spoke up to whoever was listening in her head, _I know I fucked all this up, and I know it was wrong. I just want Sam to be ok. And I don’t know how to do it without Cas. At best I lose one, worst I lose both today, what do I do?_

Meg was shocked to hear her own voice, her younger voice instead of Dean, _Castiel loves you Meg. No matter what happens today, no matter what you did back then, he loves you. You love him too. Part of that is going to have to be owning up to those mistakes and finally moving forward. You’re always wondering about what it could have been; now you’ve got your second chance, don’t waste it._

As if on cue, there was a timid knock at the door. Meg quickly dried her tears and went to meet her angel. Upon opening the door, her heart sank to her stomach. There was no warmth in Castiel’s eyes, none of his trademark softness and calm. He was just as scared as her. Meg tried to give him a reassuring smile, but it only came out as a grim line. Castiel closed his eyes, nodded once as if to steel his resolve and said, “Well, we’re not getting any younger. Let’s get this show on the road.”

Sam was sitting in an oversized armchair in the living room, annoyed and confused as to why he was awake this early on a Saturday morning. Sam looked at his mother, expecting an answer, but she didn’t meet his gaze. He went from confusion to white hot anger the moment he saw Castiel walk into the living room. Castiel couldn’t ignore the change in Sam’s expression; he hadn’t seen such unadulterated hatred in a person before, especially for someone so young. Castiel cleared his throat before beginning to speak, “Sam, we need to talk. Your mother and I…We’re worried about you.”

Castiel was shocked at the scoff he received from the young man. Sam looked Castiel hard in the eyes before spitting out, “Like you care.”

The venom in the words struck Castiel and Meg in different ways. Castiel felt like it was a slap in the face, utterly confused at where this contempt had come from. Meg got it worse. It was icy talons gripping at her heart, her worst fears confirmed: Sam knew.

Castiel tried to regain his composure, not seeing the affect Sam had on his mother, “Look, Sam, I understand if you need to talk about things. If there are problems going on with school or with friends. We’re not here to tell you how to live your life. We just want you to be happy and make the most of yourself.”

Sam had a terrifying glint in his eyes, “Actions speak louder than words, Mr. Milton. And right now, your actions speak so loud I can’t hear a word you say.”

Castiel was beyond confused. He looked to Meg for some sort of help; they were supposed to be doing this together. He was shocked to see her standing there stock still, eyes wide with terror. He watched as she looked from Sam to him and back to Sam again. Castiel followed her eyes back to Sam and finally saw what was really behind the anger, saw what fueled his rage. _Oh God…_

Sam caught his mother’s sidelong glances, watching realization dawn over Castiel’s face, “You son of a bitch! How dare you, how dare you come in here and lecture me about wanting what’s best for me!”

Samuel suddenly stood up, his face barely six inches from Castiel’s shocked expression, “I’m curious, why now? I mean, it’s only been sixteen fucking years right? Were your bored? Guilty? Finally decided to see what family life was cracked up to be?!”

Meg was shaking, trying to think of something, anything to say but no words came. Castiel was still just sitting there, trying to process the bomb that was just dropped on him. Sam sneered, “You think you can do what you did and everything will be fine?! You don’t get second chances with the family you never wanted!”

Meg watched as Castiel shattered. His eyes widened, looking up at Sam, as if seeing him for the first time. Seeing the rage in his son’s eyes, being told by the son he was so desperate for all these years that Castiel never wanted them. Meg had to do something; she was able to weakly get out, “Sam, no…that isn’t what happened, please…”

Sam turned to his mother, tears of rage and heartbreak in his eyes, “YOU! WHY MOM?! After everything he did, everything he put you through, put us through…WHY DID YOU GO BACK TO HIM?!”

Meg saw the hurt and betrayal on her son’s face, years of misplaced blame and anger welling to the surface in one moment. She stood there, unable to say anything, not finding the words she needed to make this better. Sam gave a final, strangled shout before storming out of the house.

Meg felt her legs give out as she felt herself sliding to the floor. The worst had happened, and she didn’t do anything, couldn’t do anything to stop it. She could barely focus on anything, the world muted except for the ragged breathing of Castiel sitting a few feet from her. She looked over and nearly lost it.

Her angel, her Clarence, her unicorn was sitting on the couch broken and despondent. The worst part was there were no tears, just a hollow look in his eyes. She knew he had just gone back in time, back to that car, back to the first lie that started all of this. Meg felt the tears start to flow, not trying to stop them this time. She was so lost in her own thoughts she barely heard him.

A broken, small voice came out where there should have been strength and love, “Why, Meg? What did I ever do…Why?”

Meg sat on the floor, her eyes locked with Castiel’s, searching for the words to answer him but none came. Broken blue eyes staring into reddened brown ones, watching their lives slowly fall apart all over again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fifteen years of lies have finally been revealed. Will Castiel and Meg be able to recover, or will history just repeat itself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-Authored with http://the-witch-in-a-crowd-of-muggles.tumblr.com/ as she doesn't have an AO3 account.

There’s a pause that settles in between them, the only noise corrupting it was the sound of the door slamming as Samuel leaves the house. Meg though, keeps her eyes on cream colored carpet as if it is the most fascinating thing in the world. She’s afraid of looking at Castiel, and she’s not quite sure as of why. Castiel stands he doesn’t know what to do. His mind urges him to run away, tells him that he can figure it out later. His feet won’t let him though and his throat feels all too dry.

Castiel looks to Meg; looking for _something_...He isn’t sure what. Answers? Comfort? Just something to get mad at? Castiel is unsure of himself, it’s like he is standing on a ship bouncing around in a storm. The only thought that is ringing in his head is Sam’s words, the hatred the young man felt for his father. Castiel lurches, almost getting sick at the idea, unable to handle the thought of his family so broken, his son hating him. The screaming in his head calms momentarily until one thought dominates it, driving him forward.

Castiel’s feet stumble over themselves on their way to the kitchen. He can’t even think, his mind is a web of images, too blurry from the tornado raging in his mind. His tongue is too fat for his mouth, and there’s sweat pooling on his cheeks, getting stuck between stubble. The cramped little house feels as if it’s radiating blistering heat. He doesn’t know what to do, and even if he did, he doesn’t think he’d be able to carry out his actions because without realizing he’s rummaging through cabinets. He needs something to numb down the stir of emotions and fresh wounds forming.

He’s making a mess, practically ripping wooden cabinets apart. Castiel’s eyes look so tired and old, but are full of this manic light. It calms down when he spots a bottle of Jack Daniel’s behind a few plates, which he pushed on the ground, shattering at his feet. The ceramic digs into his leather shoes, poking holes, digging into his socks. It doesn’t faze the man though. The bottle is the only thing that matters to him. In that moment, it’s all he can see.

With all the focus in the world he upends the bottle, fingers around its neck, choking down the burning brown poison for the first time in years. Liquid running down the side of his mouth, Castiel’s throat burning, tears in his eyes.

Meg doesn’t know what to do. _Who is that?_ She thinks because it’s definitely not her Castiel. It’s some sort of wild animal in pain and crazed. It’s not her perfect angel who lends his jacket or knows her favorite ice cream by heart. No, this- this is a stranger. Unrecognizable. “Cas!” Meg shrieks out, hoping that it’d pull him out, but she knew better than that.

Alcoholics don’t work like that. She hopes it will though, and she repeats his name but with less hope and weakness intertwined in her voice. This time, he looks at her and his urge to drink grows. Up until then all he could think of was, _I’m a father_. When he looks at her now, tears welling in her eyes and fear making her lip tremble, all he can think is _Meg knows how much a mess I am. How fucked up I really am. I’m going to lose her all over again_.

With shaky hands, Meg advances forward to cup his face. He starts to move away though. It’s like watching a wounded animal. His movements start slow enough; he’s just bending back a bit. Soon though, he’s scrambling out of the door. He doesn’t see Meg’s attempts to follow him, her feet getting stabbed with shards of glass. He doesn’t hear her cry; he doesn’t see her tears mix with blood.

Meg swears under her breath, unsure of what to do next. Her head is a storm of emotions, flitting from Castiel to Sam. Meg finally calms her thoughts enough to focus on Sam. Stepping out of the cemetery of shards, she wonders what to do next. Will they act the same, as if nothing happened? No, don’t think of that. Fix yourself; don’t wait for someone else to. Don’t pretend you’re whole, go make yourself fucking whole. She’s not sure if they mean emotionally or physically, but the tone sounds beautiful and convincing. Meg listens to it though, finds a pair of tweezers and pulls out each piece. She dabs the cuts with wet paper towels.

Samuel wanders down the street with no real sense of direction. He was angry at so many people tonight, but mostly Castiel. How dare that bastard just walk back into his life? They’re the best they’ve been in years. He can’t just get decide to walk in and play family with them. _No_ , he thinks bitterly, _we’re not a book you can just resume. We’re not a game. You don’t get to come and pretend you give a shit_.

A few days pass by, Meg hears nothing from Castiel. He doesn’t go to work. He doesn’t even seem to exist. There are no dorky e-mails, and there are no serious text messages. _We’re gonna do it right this time? What a pile of bullshit, Clarence_ her thoughts scream at him. Meg immediately quiets the anger, knowing that it wasn’t Castiel’s fault; it never had been. She knows she needs to make it right, but doesn’t know how to start. Most of all she can’t help but miss him and although she acts put together, she’s not. She feels destroyed.

*******

Meg can’t take the silence anymore. She can’t stand it at her house, Sam still fuming over Castiel’s appearance and she can’t take not hearing from her angel. Finally losing it, Meg makes her way over to Castiel’s. She doesn’t realize how hard it might be to face him until she gets there. After hours of sitting in front of the small home, and seeing no cars even pause by it, she decides to walk in. The door wasn’t even locked, and it didn’t take long to find him. Her breath stopped and her heart raced, his limbs were splashed out on the kitchen floor. Pills littered the vomit all over him and there were so many bottles surrounding him they almost obscured the floor. Rushing over to his side, she checks his pulse. _He puked it out…that was a good sign, right_? It was weak and so slow, but it was there.

She calls 911, and they come to take him away. Meg moves around awkwardly, unsure of what to while they load him into the ambulance. It was finally seeing him in the back of the car, oxygen mask on his face, his breathing shallow and his face a sickly green that it finally hit her. She loved him, and now he could be dead. He could just slip between her fingers, and everything would truly fall apart because Dean was right. That stupid voice she had been ignoring for so long had finally broken through; she didn’t want to imagine a life without her idiot. Shoulders shaking, one of the paramedics patted her on the back, “Don’t worry. This has happened before, I’m sure he’ll be fine again,” her voice casual, as if they were discussing baseball or the weather.

Meg thought all of her shocks for the ay were over, but this one almost sent her over the edge, “What do you mean ‘fine again’?”

The paramedic grimaced, knowing she said too much, and just motioned for Meg to get into the back of the ambulance to ride with Castiel. Meg’s mind was going a million miles a second at the chilling revelation she had just heard. _What happened before? What did he do, why does this sound like it was a common thing?_ Meg looked at Castiel, still barely breathing on the gurney, not even sure if he was aware she was there. At this point, Meg couldn’t hold the tears back anymore. She took Castiel’s hand in hers, squeezing tightly as she put her forehead against his, “Please, Clarence, please come back to me. I’m so sorry for what I did; please…I don’t want to do this alone anymore. I need my angel back.”

Meg did not remember much of what happened next, exhaustion and stress made everything a blur. The next thing she knew was sitting in a hospital room, curled up very uncomfortably in a chair with Castiel awake next to her. Her first instinct was to throw her arms around him, kiss him and cry all at once because he was ok. She wanted to do all of that until she saw his eyes.

Blue eyes that were once so full of life and happiness, love and mirth were almost dead. The blue color was even muddied, tinged with red and hollow. Eyes of a man who had lost everything for a second time. It broke Meg’s heart all over again. She wanted to, no, needed to say something, but the words wouldn’t come. Like the last time they saw each other, all that was left was silence and tears.

It was thankfully interrupted by a doctor walking into the room, thankfully oblivious to everything that was going on between the two people inside it. He looked up at Castiel shaking his head and muttering under his breath. Meg couldn’t help but notice that Castiel refused to meet the doctor’s gaze, but not in the same way he couldn’t meet hers. _Oh my God,_ Meg suddenly realized, _Clarence knows this guy and he’s ashamed? What the fuck did I just walk into?_

Not getting much chance to mull over the possibilities, the mystery doctor sets Castiel’s chart down, clears his throat a few times before walking over to Castiel and smacking him upside the head. Both Meg and Castiel stare at the doctor, unsure of what is going on, before Castiel receives another smack. Finally grabbing the offending hand before he is hit again, Castiel manages to get out, “Fergus, please don’t do that. I’m currently suffering my first hang over in about three years and you aren’t helping.”

The doctor, Fergus apparently, fuming with fury, “Well, look at that. He speaks! Well, my turn to speak, Castiel. You promised. You broke your promise to my daughter. Have some integrity for God’s sake, and live up to that. For her. But no- you couldn’t. You couldn’t stay away from a drink.”

Meg sits there in utter confusion as she watches Castiel try to dodge swipes from Fergus, still ranting on and on about “her memory” and “betrayal of trust.” Fergus final calms down enough, only after hitting Castiel at least twice more, before he turns his attention to her. He shifts his short, stocky figure to scan her easier. He takes her in, eyes cruel and harsh.

“Please tell me you’re not wasting the money you got from the accident on whores.” He replies, glancing over Castiel, ready to fight in any second. His face is hard and holds distaste, rubbing a grubby hand over his plump cheeks, he returns his steady gaze to Meg.

Meg doesn’t like him, she can already tell by the way he spits out the word, “whore.” The woman can’t help but also feel a bit sorry for him though. Under the layers of anger is such a sadness that only she seems to be able to sense. More than that, he’s also disappointed. He had such trust in someone, and that person broke it. She also notes that he seems to have a reason to be angry, that it’s not blind lashing out.

“Do. Not. Call. Her. A. Whore. Crowley.” It’s the first time Meg’s heard him sound like the strong man she knows he is. The person who protects her from all the bad things in the world is right there in front of her. It soothes her nerves, reassures her that he is still there. She doesn’t want to lose him, ever. Childish as it is, she use to cling onto the idea of him, and she loved that version of him. The version of Castiel that stayed and was safe and warm and funny.

“Crowley, I’d like you to meet an old friend of mine, Meg. Meg, this is my old father-in-law, Ferguson Crowley.”

There’s a silence that follows that, both of the parties registering what they had just heard. Mouths both a little agape, Crowley’s eyes growing wider by the second, Meg’s brows creasing together as confusion grows to this new-found knowledge.

“You’re Meg?” His accent is thick, and he sounds so unsure of his own voice, as if he was crawling back into himself. It replicates the tone of fear, so close to it. More distanced though, as if it’s an echo choked out from the past.

“And you’re his father-in law?” She mirrors him, unaware of it. She can’t process the knowledge. She so desperately wants him to say no, but she can tell by the look in Castiel’s eyes, that that won’t happen.

“I am.” Crowley looks up, straightening the neat, black tie. He stands up taller, as if to create dominance, but it’s weak. Even standing like that, the waves of unsureness could drown. “I won’t apologize. I stick by my word, not of you being a whore, but I would not be shocked if Castiel had at one point used her money on one.” Evening out his voice, his eyes stay out of her way.

“Castiel? He wouldn’t do that, no. He’s an angel, that kid.” She speaks as if he is not in the room. He pretends to not have heard. She pretends not to see him avert his eyes from her. Now standing up, hands in pockets, she forces her chest out. She can play his game too. She can be the persona of dominance if that’s what it takes.

“You obviously do not know him like I do then, dear. What do you even know about him?”

The words sound like a dare, and that’s when she realized how right he is. She knows the little things, his favorite ice-cream flavor, what texture he likes in clothes, favorite dishes, favorite lines in novels. Trivial things. She assumed he was the same person, but her Castiel would not have done what this Castiel had done. Saying those words forced her to take a step back and really look at their relationship. It was nothing except comfort. An old position they had slid back into by accident only because they did not know what else to do.

Bitterly he flicks his tongue over his lips, crossing his arms. He doesn’t intend to be so cruel, but he’s mad. He’s angry, and he has every right to be. This girl doesn’t deserve it, she probably doesn’t even know anything, but he doesn’t care anymore. Maybe in a different situation he would, but not now. Not here.

“That’s right, Meg. You don’t know anything about our little Castiel here, do you? Well, why don’t you sit down, so I can tell you a story then.” There’s authority surging through his voice, words growing much louder by each passing one. And she does. She sits down, and she doesn’t not why. She just does; she expects to hear the truth. Sad men tell the truth.

“You need to leave, Ferguson.” It’s Castiel’s voice, he’s on the edge and threatening. It’s an outburst that makes Meg’s bones nervous, it makes her fear the truth. Afraid that it’ll be terrible, a background of a villain instead of a hero. That’ll shatter this image of the perfect choirboy. She’s nervous of losing her angel. Crowley snaps his head at him, teeth showing a bit as his lip quivers.

“You do not get to tell me what to do, Castiel. Some people do, but you are not one of them. No, you lost all of my respect.” Crowley pauses though, small smirk on his face, “You can tell our little legend though. Tell her everything, leave no details. I will check.” He gestures to the camera, little maniac laughter behind his tongue.

Swaggering out of the room, he lets his carefully place facade melt, Meg only catching a glimpse of who he must really be. He’s so much sadness, so much for one human being. His whole face sags, eyes gleaming with hints of tears, eyes watching the ground because there’s no reason to look up anymore. Maybe he was being pitiful to Castiel- not allowing him to see how terribly this was messing with him. Showing only what would make him a better man.

Silence seems to be a reoccurring theme that happens when the two are together, and she wants to break it so badly, to make him speak.

“So wanna tell me everything from the start?” She’s startled by how harsh she sounds, but she realizes that’s how she feels. Bitter and alone. She feels as if he’s hidden everything away from her, and as if he was keeping them away from her, no matter what.

“I tried to kill myself.” Castiel says the words as if they are simple and common knowledge. He says them as if it is nothing, a common statement. It makes the insides of Meg stop though. She feels as if her blood stopped rushing through her veins and the air in her lungs were punched out.

“Why would you do that, Cas?” She ignores the feeling of her eyes containing too much. Meg needs to keep focus on him, she wants the truth. She wants to know the man in front of him, wholly.

“You left me. You were my whole world, and you just left. Didn’t even give me a clue beforehand. I thought we were two peas in a pod, and you- you just left.”

“You must’ve known,” Her voice is much softer now, avoiding stepping on eggshells, “We we’re kids, seventeen. I was a rebel, and you were an angel. It was never going to work out.” She sighs softly, feeling like puking. She caused this pain, and for once in her life that didn’t give her a happiness.

“I did. I just thought, you and me. We were going to be the ones to make it against all odds. We were going to be the happy ones who raised a family and kissed each other at night.” His voice is a mixture of emotions but also of strength on his stance; he really did believe it. Everyone did.

“Yeah, me too,” She lets it slip out in a moment of vulnerability, and she regains composure, erasing the sad smile on her face. “Okay, then you got married.”

Now it’s his turn to smile ever so sadly, almost as if it causes him pain to think about it. She wants to tell him he doesn’t have to tell her, but she stops herself. She wants to hear about it because she wants to know about all the times Castiel was happy and the sad ones too.

“Naomi. She is- was a nurse here, helped me get back on my feet after my overdose. Such a kind, gentle soul.” He won’t look at her, not when he speaks of her.

They were not the same people, Meg was a wild spirit that burned to touch. Naomi was a kind soul that was cool to the touch, lowering his heart rate. She was everything that Meg wasn’t, and that was clear by the words he chose. It broke her heart.

“She’s dead now. There was a car accident two years ago; a drunk driver was driving just a little too fast, just a little too messily,” he keeps going, like he doesn’t know where to stop this time, “She was coming home from a shift, just like normal. Told me to eat dinner without her, but I insisted on staying up. She never came though, and I waited, and nothing happen. I just sat at the dinner unable, unsure what to do. Then I called the hospital, and,” His words come to a halt, emotions starting to strangle them within his throat.

“Cas,” It’s a pathetic tone of pity and softness, something she uses on patients. She hadn’t even known he had been married before, but she knows why now.

“No, Meg. Don’t look down on me. I will not take it from you.”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Well, you did. I could hear it in your voice.”

“I’m happy you were so in love.”

Then there’s nothing, no words that could follow that. Nothing that could replace the silence with such meaning, she means it though. She is jealous because he was it for her, but he was able to move on eventually. He was able to love a woman so needily and comfortably even when he was a wreck and broken from the mistakes she had left inside of him. After she had left him, leaving only scars on his heart as a sign of ever being there, she thought she was it for him too. She could not think of Castiel without anyone else.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Samuel?” It slides into the minutes of silence, shakes her world with such power, it feels like Lucifer’s slight jabs on her job.

“You were seventeen, Castiel. I wasn’t going to let you be a teenager father; you had such potential for life.” It’s accompanied by a sigh, although sure of her words. She made the right choice, and she does not regret it. She won’t. She won’t let herself.

“You could have told me he was my son, Meg. I deserved to know that.” He replies, softening, eyes tracing over the strands of hair that go wild around her head. In the light, they look lighter and in the form of horns.

“No, I couldn’t. You would’ve followed me across the country if you had known.” She replies, chuckle intertwined in it.

He nods slightly because it is true, but he still feels entitled to have known. There is another pause in the conversation, words still going unsaid. Meg and Castiel both look at each other before Castiel finally gets the courage to speak again, “It wasn’t your decision to make Meg. Whether I would have chased you or not, he’s my son just as much as he is yours. What you did was wrong!”

“He’s my son, Castiel. Not yours. You were not there to clean puke off his tummy or give him advice on his first crush. No birthdays or late-nights watching television shows. Don’t get confused, you’re his father, you’re not his dad.” It’s sharp, almost cruel as she says the words, plunging them into his heart.

Meg wants him to understand this clearly. She feels anger welling up inside her again, and even though she knows she shouldn’t, she takes the shots anyway, “Besides, it isn’t like you didn’t move on right? Got yourself a whole new family, a new life. You didn’t seem to miss us that much.”

Meg knows her voice sounds hollow, unable to hide how hurt she is. Even after all of this she still loves her big, dumb angel. What she doesn’t expect is the pain reflected in Castiel’s eyes. She isn’t sure what it is for this time though, her or Naomi. Meg’s eyes widen as she see tears rolling down Castiel’s face, his body rocked with silent sobs. Finally Castiel turns to her, the pain in his eyes almost forcing Meg to look away, but she forces herself to hold his gaze as Castiel begins to speak.

“You really think that’s what all this is about? Yes Meg, I got married, but do you know how long after you left? I was living inside a bottle of booze and a pills for five years before Naomi found me. Even after that it was another three before I even agreed to go out with her. Naomi is the only reason I am here today to talk to you about this, but don’t ever pretend that I got over you. I loved her, yes, but it was a fraction of what I felt for you. It was always you, Meg. Even now, even with how broken I am, I still love you.”

Meg is dumbstruck by the revelation. Her mouth tries to find the words, trying to respond but her tongue is thick in her mouth. She watches Castiel continue to cry, and she goes to sit on his bed, trying something to comfort her angel. Castiel can’t meet her eyes as he continues his story, “I only ever wanted to be with you Meg, I just wanted our little family. It’s too late now, Sam hates me and after all this, I know I don’t deserve you anymore.”

Meg can’t contain herself any more after this. She does the only thing that she can and slaps Castiel hard across the face. The silence that follows is deafening, Castiel’s shocked look finally giving Meg the courage to speak, “Shut the fuck up Cas. Don’t you ever tell me who or what I deserve, I choose whether or not you’re worth it.”

Castiel’s eyes widened, her voice echoing the same words he said so many years ago. Meg’s eyes fill with tears, knowing that while they are probably more broken that either wants to admit, they are finally going to fix it together. Meg pulls on the front of Castiel’s shirt into a soft kiss, smiling just a little at his surprised grunt. As they pull away, Meg finally says the words that she wishes she had the courage to say so long ago, “I love you, Castiel. I’m so, so sorry.”

They both know that this is a long and hard road forward. That even after all this, there are going to be many more conversations like this one, but they don’t care. Meg and Castiel finally have what they needed over all these years: each other. In the end, that’s all that matters to both of them. The runaway rebel and her broken angel against the world, together at last.

*******

Sam fumes at home, knowing that his mom is out with that _bastard._ However, he knows he has nowhere to go; he’s only sixteen and not an idiot. He sits in the living room, lounging on his chair, allowing his legs to hang off the arm. He’s bored out of his mind, and everything on the television is unentertaining. There’s a stern knock though, and Samuel pushes himself out of position to go open it. Standing in front of him was a man with broad shoulders and clear, blue eyes. He’s tall and had a mop of blonde hair, it’s neat though.

“Oh, you must be Sam! Is your mother here, Sam?” the man claps his hand.

“I’m sorry, but who are you?” Sam raised his eyebrow, confused by the stranger looking for his mother.

He thought he knew everyone who was friends or even acquaintances with his mom. This man didn’t look familiar, no matter how hard he stared at him.

“I’m Lucifer.” he replied with a smile.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer returns and upends everything. Will we see Meg and Castiel stand strong or crumble once more?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-Authored with http://the-witch-in-a-crowd-of-muggles.tumblr.com/ as she doesn't have an AO3 account.

Sam stares at Lucifer for a long time, just taking in this man. He says his name with such authority, as if it is the answer to all of life’s most confusing questions. Lucifer’s shoulders take up most of the doorway, evenly contributing his weight to both feet, making him stand tall with such pride. There’s enough distance between his feet to make him look like he’s proclaiming this as his land and it should be blessed in his presence. Arms crossed to not anything go inside him and harm him.

“Can I come in, Sam? Or am I going have to sit outside and wait?” His voice is smooth and silky, a lightness in his tone.

“Yeah, of course.” Sam doesn’t realize why he’s letting him in, but he does. It’s like a blanket of comfort being surrounded by him, this man makes him feel like people always describe home. It’s strange because he’s never had that before, but it’s nice. It’s nice to be so relaxed and slowly he could feel the anger drain from him. “You’re not a serial killer, are you?” He asks, curiously, moving out of Lucifer’s way, arching an eyebrow as a way of poor integration.

Lucifer tosses a cheeky smile as he walks into the house, which was a lot warmer than it was outside. “I guess you’ll never know, will you?” Lucifer allows a small, warm chuckle to slide out. It echoes the house, comfortable and cozy.

Samuel can’t help but run into it, taking cover. “No, I guess not.” He shrugs, allowing the joke to process in his mind.

“Is something wrong?”

It’s so sudden, corrupting the quaint quietness in the room. Allowing his hand to rest on the counter littered with cereal boxes. Head tilts slightly, staring so intensely it feels as if he is staring into the boy’s soul.

“It’s nothing.”

“You’re lying, Sam. I know you don’t know me, but I was good friends with your mom for a long time. She trusted me, and I know that you will too. You seem like the kind of guy who needs someone to listen right now. You can always tell me anything, I won’t judge you.” Lucifer says it smoothly, moving his eyes after he said what needed to say.

It’s sweet music to Samuel’s ears; lately, it felt like all that ever happen was judgment being passed on him. Teachers, students, even his own mother had been criticizing his every move. Samuel mutters some excuse through a heavy sigh. For a moment, he almost tells the stranger everything, but he doesn’t. He’s just tired of holding all of it in, keeping the anger inside his throat, scratching itself out of his throat. Of course, he knew not to trust a stranger.

“I won’t push you. I just want you to be alright, Sam.”

The words seem so sincere as they roll off his tongue, and maybe they really are. He looks at Sam like his he’s his own son, sneaking glances out of the corner of his eyes, fingers unconsciously distracting themselves with the edges of a candle. A pause fills the space with them, Sam’s voice shattering it after a minute or two.

“It’s just my mom,” The words come out heavier than intended, but the weight on Sam’s shoulders seemed lighter. He shakes his head slightly, allowing his eyes to look up, only to find Lucifer staring at him intensely.

“What’s wrong, Sam? Is everything okay? Is your mom alright?”

Opposed to a few seconds earlier, he’s hunching in the direction of Samuel, allowing their height to be the same. His eyes have flown open wide, concern evident in his voice. He cares, unlike Castiel, Sam thinks. He cares.

The words spill out of his mouth, wiggling into Lucifer’s ear. The older man listens, keeps his eyes on this boy. Lucifer sits patiently, processing the story coming from the child, hearing the anger, picking up the desperation of a confused young man. A wicked feeling grows inside Lucifer’s chest; he has his way back in. It took almost fifteen years, but he was going to get _his_ family back. It would start with Sam and end with making the bitch pay for leaving.

***

Meg was worried about the Sam that would be greeting her when she walked into her house. She had spent the last day with Castiel in the hospital, making sure he would be ok and continuing to talk to each other about their lives. They both realized that a lot of secrets had been kept and if this was to work they would have to start with open and brutal honesty. Meg was alright with that in theory, but there was still one subject she wasn’t ready to tell Castiel about yet. Even after all these years it was hard to think about, much less talk about. Turning her thoughts back to her son and the task at hand, Meg could feel some of that leftover anxiety from the other day. Putting on her bravest face, she walked through the door.

The house was quiet, which Meg found slightly reassuring, but worrisome all at once. Looking around, she found Sam passed out on the couch, some book sitting in his lap. Giving her sleeping son a small smile, Meg collapsed on the armchair next to him, letting some of the stress she was feeling sink away. _At least he’s still my little boy when he’s asleep,_ Meg thought darkly. Finally lifting her head, she locked eyes with her son, having been awakened by the removal of his book. Feeling that slight twinge of fear in the pit of her stomach, Meg did her best to put on a calm face and gave her son a small smile, “Hey Sammy, how are you doing?”

Sam cocked an eyebrow at his mother, Meg chuckling a little at how much it mirrored her, “Look, mom, we don’t need to ignore what happened. Don’t treat us like other people, we never do that.”

Meg frowned, knowing that Sam was right. She was out of her element and didn’t know how to approach things. Looking Sam in the eye she saw his yearning for understanding, and a little sorrow for what he had said. Whether it was sorrow for what he said to her or Castiel remained to be seen, but it was a start. Clearing her throat, Meg stood up and began to slowly speak, “I know we need to talk Sam. I know you probably have a lot of questions. This isn’t going to be the easiest thing to talk about, but you need to know that no matter what happens I love you. There is nothing more important than that. Ok?”

Sam gave her a small smile and nodded. Meg was about to continue speaking before he stopped her, “Mom, before we start I need to stop you. I promised a new friend of mine I would show him around town and I didn’t know when you would be back. Can we maybe do this later?”

Meg was about to protest, but she saw the genuine look in her son’s eyes and relented, “Ok Sammy, who’s this friend of yours? Will I be meeting him any time soon?”

Sam gave her a bigger smile, “That’s the great thing about it Mom. He already knows you, said you two go way back. Me and Lucifer spent most of yesterday hanging out and talking, it was a ton of fun.”

***

Meg had no idea how she had made it to Castiel’s house. The last thing she remembered was hearing Sam tell her that Lucifer had spent the day with him and her mind went blank. All she could feel was the raw terror that gripped her when it finally hit that _he knows where I live, he knows my son._ Her body must have been on auto pilot; taking her to the one person she thought could maybe protect her. Knocking on the door, she didn’t even acknowledge Castiel, pushing numbly past him and collapsing on the couch. Following her closely, Castiel noted the look she had on, it was one he had seen before. It was the look she gave him when he asked her to marry him all those years ago. Something had happened that had terrified Meg to the point of running again. Castiel couldn’t help but feel the cold fingers of fear gripping at him. There were very few things that would cause Meg to be this scared.

Meg finally looked at Castiel with focused eyes, seeing him for the first time. As if snapping out of a dream, she looked around, realizing where she was. Looking back at Castiel, Meg opened her mouth a few times, trying to get words out, but nothing was coming. Kneeling down in front of her, Castiel took her hands in his, giving her a small, soft smile before saying, “its ok, Meg. I’m here, and nothing bad can get you. Please, just tell me what is going on and let me help you.”

Tears started to form in the corner of Meg’s eyes and she struggled to get the words out. Finally, in a hushed, terrified whisper she said one word that chilled Castiel to the bone, “Lucifer.”

Castiel sits there perplexed. Lucifer? The archangel? The devil? Is she trying to be symbolic? He doesn’t know. He can’t wrap his mind around it, but he does wrap his arms around her shoulders which are shaking. She’s trying to hold the tears back and be strong, but she just can’t. She can’t hold this in, no matter how hard she tries at it.

 

“Lucifer?” He asks it carefully, making sure it doesn’t make her full out sob. She’s in a vulnerable state which is rare for Meg and he needs to help. Swallowing broken syllables, she nods to reassure him before repeating herself.

“Lucifer.” In her mind it’s all so messy. He’s back. Lucifer was back. Lucifer. Sam. Samuel and Lucifer. They talked. They bonded. They met. No, no, no. It’s on repeat in the back of her mind, like elevator music. With each thought, her breath becomes harder. He’s back, and the thought is settling itself into her skin, slamming itself into her mind.

“He’s back.” With that, her seams come apart. It’s dry sobbing, with quivering lips and shaking shoulder. Silent sobbing with not even strangled noises coming out, just heavy breaths and tears. It horrifies him to his bones, shakes him to the core.

“Meg, tell me what’s wrong.” She repeats it and it’s like she can’t say anything else. He’s back, and that’s the beginning and end of everything. Looking up and seeing the concern in Castiel’s eyes, she takes a moment to collect herself before beginning her story.

***

There are moments when it feels like it was just yesterday. Those are the days Meg forces herself to remember that it was all fifteen years ago. Some days it helps, but those are rare. They are her “unicorn days”. She called them that because it made her think of Castiel. Even when they were apart, it would help her when it came to Lucifer.

Lucifer was charming at first, the perfect gentleman. He laughed at all her jokes, took her out to nice places and made sure that Meg wanted for nothing. It felt like heaven on earth, which was new for Meg. She had always struggled with the material things. Up until that point it had never bothered her. Perhaps that is why Meg was able to ignore the fact that she wasn’t falling for Lucifer for so long. All the pretty things and wonderful times were enough to sustain her. It was new and exciting, what seventeen year old girl doesn’t love that?

Meg finally realized something was wrong when she broke a plate one morning. It wasn’t the tone that Lucifer took; it wasn’t even that he did anything to her. It was his eyes. They were like ice. Cold, bright blue and dead inside, eyes that were telling her she was nothing but a possession. That everything up to that point had been the bait, now here is the hook. Meg tried to shake it off, thought it was just hormones playing with her. At 6 months, things were getting a bit out of hand.

Everything came crashing down a week later. It started with small things at first. Guilting Meg about stuff she couldn’t control, demanding things of her that she couldn’t provide and then getting angry over it. Lucifer immediately forgave her when it wasn’t her fault to begin with. Meg’s mind was already a mess from the baby, now it was all out psychological warfare. When he hit her for the first time, she almost believed him when he said it was her fault. After the second time she knew it.

Never anything visible, Lucifer always made sure of that. More importantly, he went out of his way after each time to make sure she was ok, that the baby was safe. It took her years to realize she was just a vessel for what he really wanted. Meg began treating her life like everything was an eggshell. Always being the excellent liar, she was able to wave it off to Sam, Dean and Jess and almost believe it herself. Lying to herself was what Meg excelled at. It is what made her decide to leave Castiel and it was what convinced her that Lucifer did truly love her.

It finally came to a head one night, about a month before Sam was due. Lucifer wasn’t gentle this time; he wasn’t kind and thoughtful afterward. It was the cruelty and rage of the Devil himself, resurrected through the blond haired man. Meg didn’t know how but she ended up on Sam and Jess’s doorstep, her face a mess of purple and yellow bruises holding a small suitcase. It took both of them weeks to convince her to talk about it. It wasn’t until after Sam was born they were able to get her to see a therapist and it was years after that she finally was able to accept what happened. Even after years of therapy Meg still blames some of it on herself. She wants to believe she was smart enough to have seen it coming, that she deserved what she got. That all of this might just be karma catching up with her.

***

Castiel sits in shocked silence after hearing her story. It isn’t until Meg reaches up to brush the tears away from his cheeks that he even realized he was crying. His next feelings are ones of pure rage, furious anger tearing through him. His mind focused on a single goal: to make Lucifer pay. Meg blanches at the look in Castiel’s eyes, sees them turn an icy blue. She sees the anger coursing beneath them, the same look she saw Lucifer give her so many times before.

Castiel sees Meg cower away from him and realizes what he just did. His gaze softens, mentally kicking himself for letting his mind wander away from the task at hand. He looks Meg in the eye, holding his arms out wide. She sees the softness in his gaze, her terror receding for the moment. Finding the courage to look deeper for the first time since she got there, she sees the love and compassion Castiel feels for her. She can feel it radiating around him, as though it were a bright light filling the room. She feels herself melt, all the stress and fear from the day coming out in one moment. Meg surges into his arms, sobbing brokenly, trying to ask what they are going to do between fits of crying.

Castiel wraps his arms around her, kissing her forehead and whispering gently to her. He holds Meg until her sobbing subsides and she can look him in the eyes again. Castiel matches her gaze, his face calm. He speaks with all the conviction and confidence in the world, as though what he says comes from the mouth of the creator himself, “We’re going to get our son back Meg. I promise you, nothing bad will happen to Sam.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meg and Castiel finally confront Sam about Lucifer. Will they be able to get through this time or will the grip Lucifer holds on Sam be too tight?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-Authored with http://the-witch-in-a-crowd-of-muggles.tumblr.com/ as she doesn't have an AO3 account.

Sam was finally feeling good for the first time in days. He had slightly fixed things with his mom, he wasn’t feeling as angry as he had been these past few months and Lucifer was just making life fun again. Sam smiled as he thought about the time they had spent together. Wondered if that was what it was like to have a father who wanted his family, who gave a damn. Sam turned his mind bitterly towards Castiel, trying to formulate a way to get him out of his mom’s life. Lucifer had been so helpful, letting him rant and rave, bounce ideas around. Lucifer was someone who could understand the pain of betrayal by someone close to you. Trying to clear the dark thoughts from his mind as he walked through the door of his house, Sam felt them grow and fester at the sight that greeted him.

Castiel sat at his kitchen table.  He looked bedraggled and exhausted, which delighted Sam to no end.  Giving a silent prayer for karmic retribution, Sam decided the best course of action would be to ignore Castiel.  That was difficult, with those blue eyes of his boring right through Sam.  It made him uncomfortable, felt like Castiel was stripping him bare, able to see everything.  Trying to ignore the feeling, Sam pushed his way into the kitchen, only to be greeted by his mother.  Meg was looking almost as tired as Castiel, her eyes ringed by dark circles.  Her hair fell limp, which was a red flag for Sam.  If there was one thing he knew it was that his mom never looked anything but her best.  Pushing his feelings for Castiel aside, Sam cleared his throat before asking, “Mom?  Is everything okay?”

Meg looked at Sam, as if noticing him for the first time.  She gave her son a small smile before motioning him to sit at the table.  Sam fixed his biggest and most angry look on his face as he sat across from Castiel.  Castiel was unnerving him even more, nothing breaking through the calm façade he had plastered on.  It made Sam angrier, as though Castiel didn’t even care about what happened the other day.  Deciding that ignoring him would still be the best option, Sam turned his attention to his mother.  Meg struggled to find her words before finally speaking, “Sam, we need to finally have this talk.”

Sam snorted, “Not with him here we don’t.”

“Yes, he does, Sam.” She’s so much quieter than usual, but her voice is just as strong.

Sam could feel his anger rising, “Well then, tell me what to say, Mom. I have no clue. ‘Oh hey, Mr. Novak. Yeah, we’re cool, dad?”

Meg desperately clinging onto Castiel’s hand for support, trying to find the right words to say, “You have to listen to me, okay? Just for one minute. And what I’m telling you is, what happened wasn’t his fault, not one part of it.”

“You don’t have to cover for him.  Lucifer already told me what happened.  I don’t understand why you’re so desperate for me to forgive this son of a bitch.”

Sam could hear the edge of fear in Meg’s voice when she asked, “What did Lucifer tell you?”

Sam just gave her a confused look.  Why would she need to ask, she went through it he thought.  Before Sam could speak, Meg piped up again, “Sam, listen to me, okay? He’s bad news and he’s a manipulative son of a bitch, okay? Whatever he said, it was a lie.”

Sam felt his rage boil over, “Lucifer has been the only one who has actually listened to me in all of this!  No judgment, no accusations, nothing!  He’s been more of a father to me in a week than he’s been in fifteen years!”

Sam punctuated his statement with a menacing finger in Castiel’s direction, acknowledging him for the first time since walking in the door.  It infuriated him even more that Castiel still looked like all of this was nothing.  His façade never wavered, nothing cracked.  Meg was near tears when she shouted, “Sam! Why would you say tha-”

“You’re right Sam.”

Castiel’s gruff voice echoed in the small kitchen.  Sam and Meg both looked at him with equal amounts of confusion.  Sam wondering why he was admitting to all this and Meg was equally terrified as to what the dumbass angel would do next.  Castiel cleared his throat before speaking again, “You’re right.  You needed a father, and I wasn’t there. I didn’t do my duty. I’m  sorry. I failed you, and I’m sorry. Your anger is justified, you deserved better.”

His voice much quieter, as though he is struggling with what to say next, Castiel continues, “Listen to your mother, though. Lucifer is dangerous and he does not have your best interest at heart.” He stops and stares into the eyes right in front of him, fury still ablaze in them, not softening one bit. “You can’t believe that, not with me here, not with all that anger. So I want you to get it out. You have fifteen years of pent up, righteous anger in there so use it.”

Castiel slid out of his chair and standing in front of Sam, “ I wasn’t the father I should have been. So give me what I deserve. Yell at me, berate me, accuse me, hit me. I don’t care what you do.  It would be no less than I deserve for what I did. ”

Sam stared into those damn eyes for a moment before finally snapping.  A strangled yell came tearing out of his throat as his first punch sent Castiel sliding back along the floor.  His second put Castiel flat on his back.  His third sent a spurt of blood into the air.  Sam eventually lost count of how many times he had hit Castiel.  His fists came down like hammers on a nail, precise but brutal.  Sam was vaguely aware of his mother shouting at him to stop, but he couldn’t.  Not with those eyes, even muddied with blood and bruised purple, staring back at him.  Never wavering, never blinking, and staring right at Sam as he pounded away.

Eventually Sam was unable to raise his fist anymore.  So exhausted, him simply crawled off Castiel, sitting himself against the opposite wall. It was only when the red haze disappeared from his eyes that he noticed his mother sobbing.  Sam felt it tear at his heart.  He had seen Meg cry before, but never like this.  It was raw and pure emotion pouring out of her.  Sam looked at what he did for the first time and was almost sick.

Castiel’s face was almost entirely red.  What parts weren’t bloody were quickly turning purple or a sickening yellow color.  Watching Castiel struggle to sit himself up almost made Sam want to go help him.  He looked so weak, so broken.  Sam shuddered; the weight of what he did finally hitting him.  More than that, the weight of what Castiel has done hitting him.  Castiel had never cried out, never made a sound.  Never raised a hand to defend himself and he never broke eye contact.  Sam looked down at his bruised and bloody knuckles, wondering what sort of monster he was turning into.

Sam felt tears on his cheeks as he looked back at Castiel, who had finally managed to sit himself up across from Sam.  Sam was confused, why was he crying, he shouldn’t feeling anything but anger towards Castiel.  Sam was almost ready to hit him again just to make Castiel stop looking at him when he heard a weak, gruff voice speak again, “I’m so sorry, Sam.”

Sam started crying almost as hard as his mother.  He couldn’t control it and he didn’t know why.  Meg eventually crawled over to Sam, her arms encircling her son as he bawled into her shoulder.  He calmed himself enough to finally choke out the question, “Why, Mom?”

Sam heard the hitch in her voice as she began to speak, “Castiel didn’t abandon us, Sam.  I ran away from him.  I was young and terrified of everything happening. You know how I am, a free spirit that sometimes lets it take over. Imagine it, Sammy. I’m seventeen, a flunkie who smokes too many cigarettes and just trying to survive. I wasn’t going to stay, he was a kid. I was a kid. We were lost, confused. Castiel was just trying his best and I just couldn’t handle all of it.”

Sam was reeling from the revelation.  His mom had always told him that that his father had left, that they didn’t need him.  Why did she lie?  As if reading his mind, Meg continued, “When you first asked, I’d realized how screwed up and pathetic it was. You were five, and you needed me.  I was selfish, Samuel. I wanted to be your hero, and I wanted to help you. I wanted you to know that we were enough and I could protect  my little fledging. I was running from the past, but I’m getting a bit too old for that, aren’t I?” A pressed, light chuckle accompanied it.

Sam was near a panic attack.  His entire life was slowly unraveling in front of him.  His mother had lied to him, she never did that.  He had just assaulted and almost killed his father who was not really at fault.  Sam didn’t know what was true or not anymore.  What if Lucifer was lying too?  Sam turned to his mother and asked, “And Lucifer?”

Sam couldn’t help but notice the visible shiver and fear that permeated Meg’s voice as she spoke, “Lucifer is a monster, Sam. He’s not a good man. I know, he seems like it, but he’s not. All he does is destroy and cause pain.”

Sam couldn’t take much more of this.  He didn’t know what was true or not.  Lucifer had promised, always to tell the truth.  But so had his mother.  Could Lucifer have really been playing him this whole time?  Sam turned back to Meg, his voice quiet, “Why would Lucifer lie?”

“Yes, Meg, tell the boy.  Why would I lie?”

The lights in the room almost flickered as Lucifer stepped into the house, a menacing grin plastered on his face.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Echoes of the past threaten to destroy the future. Can Meg and Castiel stand against Lucifer or will everything fall apart?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-Authored with http://the-witch-in-a-crowd-of-muggles.tumblr.com/ as she doesn't have an AO3 account.

The kitchen was silent save for Castiel’s pained panting.  Meg’s eyes flicked back and forth frantically from Lucifer to Sam, her fight or flight instinct starting to boil over.  Castiel was barely conscious and Sam was still sitting there shocked at all the revelations of the past hour.  Lucifer looked smug as a cat that just got into the stash of wet food.  The malicious grin her had plastered on hadn’t wavered, but Meg saw that he was softening his gaze.  It was a look she saw many times when he was trying to manipulate her after a particularly brutal beating.  She shivered unconsciously, her hands tightening into fists.  To his credit, Lucifer is doing a good job at hiding the giddiness coursing through him.  This couldn’t have worked better if he planned it.  Kneeling down in front of Castiel, his voice full of mock concern, he asks, “Castiel, what has happened to you?  You look like you’ve been through hell and back. Perhaps we should take you the hospital as you’re obviously in not state to be here.”

Lucifer reaches to Castiel, trying to pull him up before he is shoved back.  Castiel’s hard glare almost makes Lucifer shiver, but he laughs it off internally.  Lucifer instead turns his attention to Sam, smiling almost sadly, “Sam, my dear boy, what did I tell you?” Pausing, he added a sigh to accompany his shaking of his head, “You can’t let anger get the best of you. You’re so much better than this destruction. Yes, what he did to your mother was unacceptable, but you must be the bigger man and simply,” Lucifer’s gaze shifts from Samuel to Meg just for the slightest second, “forgive.”

Meg stiffens at the brief feelings of his eyes. It’s like her whole body has frozen and she can’t do a damn thing, frozen in time. She forces her brown eyes to finally look at Lucifer for the first time in years. She can barely hold his gaze, but she remains defiant. She hopes her message gets across, that it will make him leave. The daggers she sends says one thing, _I will never forgive you._ Upon understanding this she can see the flash in his eyes, knowing that if they were alone she would be paying for it.  Meg doesn’t care, she is tired of running.  This is where she will make her stand.  Lucifer regains his composure, smiling as warmly as he kneels in front of Meg, “Meg, you really should talk to Samuel. He has such potential, but fury was the downfall of even the brightest angel. Don’t worry; now that I am here we can be that little family we always talked about.”

Meg is trembling with barely controlled rage, her teeth gritted as she spits out at Lucifer, “You stay away from my son or I swear to God I will –“

“You know, we shouldn’t fight in front of Sam. I read somewhere it’s not good for parents to fight in front of their kids, if I’m right; it says it makes them more aggressive. ” Lucifer says with a wicked smile, letting Meg know what will happen if she tries to defy him. “Especially since Castiel is bloody and broken. We don’t need to add things to his list of issues, do we, sweetheart?”

The talk of Sam and Castiel seems to wake Sam from his stupor.  He turns toward Lucifer, his mouth open, searching for the words he needs.  Lucifer, to his credit, plays the part of mentor perfectly.  Finally Sam speaks his voice quiet and full of pain, “Is what my mom said true?  Have you been lying to me this whole time?”

Meg watches as Lucifer’s façade almost crack.  She can see the small flash of fear in his eyes, watching his mind work to find an answer to try and hold onto his precious control.  Meg swallows hard, daring to hope that Sam can see past all of this.  She waits with bated breath as Lucifer speaks his voice soft and measured, “Truth is a matter of perspective Sam.”

Lucifer places a hand on Sam’s shoulder, trying to will comfort into the boy.  Knowing that he needs to reassert some dominance over the situation, Lucifer continues, “Is what your mom said true?  Yes, I lie.  Is your mom a coward who ran from your father?  Did she lie to you about it?  Is your father a drunk who fell of the wagon the moment he knew who you were?”

Meg feels her heart plummet at Lucifer’s words.  She knows he is playing Sam as only he can.  Meg looks at her son, seeing the conflict raging inside him, fearing the worst as Lucifer finishes, “Everybody lies.  Don’t ask for the truth unless you can handle the consequences of it, Sammy. Now, do you want to ask your questions again?”

Something snaps inside Meg.  All the anger and pain she had been holding onto for these last few days, along with fifteen years of bottled up emotion come pouring out in a single sentence, “Only _I_ get to call him Sammy.”

Lucifer can feel the menace in Meg’s voice.  His mind screams at him to punish her, to show Meg what her place is.  Lucifer tries to keep control, looking at Meg to simply chastise her.  It is the look in her eyes that makes him snap.  The seventeen year old he had wrapped around his finger is gone, replaced with a mother ready to die to defend her child.  Lucifer knows he has to work fast otherwise this is all for nothing.  Leaving Sam’s side, he kneels in front of Meg, his hand moving quickly to grab the nape of her hair.  She give a soft yelp, blanching a little in fear as Lucifer menaces her closely, his voice deep and grave, “Now, what did I tell you about fighting in front of the boy?”

Sam looks and can see the pain blossoming on his mother’s face. It snaps him out of the spell Lucifer had on him.  Clearing his throat, his voice cracking more than he would like, Sam speaks, “Leave my mom alone.”

The sound of Lucifer’s backhand is dulled by the grunt of pain Sam gives when he hits the ground.  Rubbing his cheek, he stares with wide eyes at Lucifer, watching slowly as the kind blue eyes turn an icy almost grey color.  Lucifer pulls Meg up by her hair, starting to drag her into the kitchen.  He turns to Sam, his voice hard and sharp as a knife, “Samuel, how dare you disobey me?”

Lucifer punctuates his statement by throwing Meg into a cabinet, cracking her head off it. His eyes soften at the sound of pain-filled moan escaping Meg’s lips.

“I’m going to be honest with you because you deserve that, Sam. You see, I found your mother, and she was so afraid, like a lost little lamb, looking for someone to take care of her.” His voice is warm and decorated with a chuckle of almost fondness.

Yet it holds an edge that just dares someone, anyone to make the wrong the move. It’s almost impossible to think the man speaking is the one who just hit him. Whimpers come out, broken but there. Lucifer smiles a little sadly, _she never does learn, does she_? Swiftly smacking a hand against Meg’s flushed cheeks, he returns to his one-sided conversation, anger bubbling in the pit of his stomach, “I, so much like a shepherd, took her in. I cared for her and paid for her. I did everything to make sure she was happy and comfortable. All I asked for in return was a little give and take,” His voice rumbled in the room, words almost being spat out as if what happened next was disgusting.

All pretenses gone, Lucifer’s first smeared dark eye shadow, so it could be replaced with the throbbing of an early black eye, “Instead, she gets hormonal and ungrateful. She ignores me and simply took everything I was. So I had to teach her a lesson to make her understand, Sam. Not unlike what I am doing now.”

Another punch to her stomach has Meg doubling over in pain, “You see Sam, it is all about discipline in this world.  In your life and your mom’s it has been severely lacking. Don’t worry though. We will be the happy family we were supposed to be. And the first lesson is discipline.”

Lucifer’s sees Sam’s hands clench and sighs, slamming Meg’s head off the counter in a completely causal way. Wiping his hands on his shirt, he allows her to fall, blood streaming into her brown curls, only moving his arm to grab Sam by the throat as he anticipated the young man’s attack.  His strikes are surgical, hurting the boy, but not causing any real damage.  

Lucifer’s voice is level and controlled as he punctuates each blow, “This is your first lesson, Sam. Control is paramount. You obey or you get consequences of your actions. Your mom forgot this lesson, so we must re-teach her. Believe me, Sam, I don’t want to do this. Now, be a good boy and wait for papa to finish with mummy.”

Lucifer turns back to Meg.  Just as his hand reaches out, a gruff voice echoes across the kitchen, “Leave them alone, Lucifer.”

Castiel leans codependent on the doorway of the nearly destroyed kitchen. Light from the hallway filters softly around him. The light filters out of broken glass, shining above his head in a way that resembled a halo. Castiel’s eyes, bruised and nearly swollen shut burn with a holy fire. His fists clenched tight. Lucifer’s mocking laugh echoes throughout the kitchen, “What’s that now, Thursday?  You can barely stand, what do you think you can do to possibly do to me?”

Castiel swallows thickly, staring intensely at the man in front of him. It takes a second for him to respond, but when it comes: it comes roaring. It comes in speed and angry fists; it comes with blood pouring out of his knuckles and onto Lucifer’s maniac grin. It comes out of shattering glass, breaking through a large window and it comes out in splinters piercing their skin. It’s adrenaline pumping through his body, and a few curses escaping bloody lips. It comes out with Castiel on top, taking long, calculated hits.

 Until it’s not.

 His injuries begin to nag at him, and he can feel his mind blurring. He can sees Lucifer spotting his own weakness. He feels his neck be grabbed as if it were a toothpick, he feels his body get slammed into the ground, and then he can’t think at all.

 Lucifer keeps slamming his fist into the body which has gone oh-so limp in his arms. He’s not calm or calculated, he’s _pissed_. It’s repetitive and he isn’t feeling better. That son of a bitch had gotten the nerve to put a hand on him; how dare he? Lucifer was so much more above him. He was better than this weak man, the one Meg chose.

 Meg is on the ground, wrapped into herself. There’s blood on her hands. There’s blood on the floor, and the sticky red substance is on her face, making a metalic smell fill her nostrils. The scene is all too familiar, and she feels the urge to run to Sam, but she can’t do that now. She’s not that kid anymore. Willing herself to get up, she sees Sam who is on the ground, holding his stomach as if he’s holding his guts in with his hands. A lanky shoulder pops out unnaturally, _dislocated_ , she thinks. But it’s not okay. None of this was okay. This was her family, and she’ll be damned if Lucifer wins this time. Forcing herself to stand up, she cringes, bruises must’ve been forming already. That’s when she sees it. Castiel is getting pummeled. His face mixes with the ground like an oil painting. Shades of red pouring out, and to be honest, she doesn’t know whose blood it is.

 “Mom, save him,” Sam pipes up, and his voice is struggling and between deep breaths.

Everything inside her screams to help her son, but he’s right. If she doesn’t save him now, he’s going to die. Forcing herself to ignore the pain, a tactic she once has memorized, she fumbled to Sam’s room, catching sight of herself in a mirror. She looks like shit and weak, and she can’t be that. No, her angels need something more of her. Taking a baseball bat out of her son’s room, she drags it out, walking too tall for her legs’ liking.

 “Well, darling,” She hoots out as she steps over the empty space of where a large window used to be.

Her face is adorned with a maniacal smile, and she hides the bat behind her legs. They’re barely a few feet away, but she feels no fear. Maybe she’s stupid or maybe she’s strong, she doesn’t know. “How am I ever going to repay you for all the pretty little presents you gave me?” She steps closer, light on her feet, grin still wide on her face.

Her voice is filled with mock sweetness. She flutters her eyelashes which make her eye scream, but she ignores it.

 It’s working in some way, Lucifer’s punches have slowed down and his blue eyes stare at her, a smile hidden in them. _She’s seen the light,_ he thinks, _she’s mine._ She had learned how to make amends with Lucifer after all the fights, and those weren’t things you just forgot. She advances, slowly, swaying her hips.

 “Or the gifts you gave my angel?” Her voice is growing darker though, smiling falling with every word that come out in cheeriness, “or the ones you gave to Sam?”

And it’s gone, everything radiated fury and righteousness. Revealing her baseball bat, her voice is deep and lacks the sultry effect. Her face is filled with determination for revenge and hatred. Lowering her head, a bitter chuckle comes out of her throat, and she can’t stop it.

Lucifer smirks, of course it was a trick, Meg wouldn’t be Meg if she was a good little girl.

 “Well, first is first, you could drop that bat.” He replies snarkily, nose twitching upward. For a moment, he thinks she’s going to do it, but another bubbly laughter erupts from her gut. It’s as if he just told her the funniest thing in the universe.

“Oh honey, you just know I can’t do that, don’t you? You did your three strikes, and I hate to break it to you. But you’re out.” With that she swings and hits his kneecap, her smile growing as she hears him howl with pain.

She does it to the other, making him fall on his knees, unable to deny the pain surging through him. “Don’t look at me like that, Lucifer. It’s a lesson.” She mutters through gritted teeth swinging as hard as she can at his ribcage, hearing a loud crack.

It vibrates up the bat, making her arm hum with electrifying power. On his knees, he looked up at her and something changed. She wasn’t seventeen, that was obvious, but what he saw made him smile. She was just like him with that dopey grin on her face. Meg dropped the bat and punched it off that smug face, knees collapsing from underneath her when he lost consciousness.

“Cas!” She dragged her body over to his side, wishing it was weightless. “Castiel,” she says in a hushed tone as she splays on his stomach.

He’s breathing, and he’s alive. That’s what matters, and she can’t help but rejoice in that fact. He’s not leaving her, and she’s not leaving him. She can’t. Not when they’re together again.

 His breath decreases, slower and slower under her ear. The heartbeat is less steady than a few seconds ago, and she curses herself for being so relieved. He’s hurt. “Sam! Call 911!” She barks out, tears in her eyes, but she doesn’t know why.

He’s going to be fine. He has to be, right? Because he promised they were doing it right, but the breaths are shallow and there’s blood on her knees now, and it’s so hard to understand. She just wants to sleep and see his face in the morning; she wants to kiss his dumb face. She wants him. She wants Sam. She wants a family who eats pancakes, and she wants to make dumb jokes with her two favorite boys in the world.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fifteen years of mistakes and choice, both good and ill have come to a head. Will Castiel and Meg's new little family survive? Or will Lucifer have finally won in the end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-Authored with http://the-witch-in-a-crowd-of-muggles.tumblr.com/ as she doesn't have an AO3 account.

Meg hears sirens sooner than she thought she would. In a moment, there’s Crowley standing above them, heavy breaths escaping his flushed face, sweat running down his brow. He must’ve ran, Meg acknowledges him with a small nod. Her eyes are wide and larger, filled with panic. Her fingers twist into the fabric of Castiel’s shirt as if that will keep him there. If she just holds on, then maybe he’ll stay in her arms. Maybe his pain would dull. Maybe everything would be okay.

 “Meg, get off of him.” His voice only breaks at the last syllable, and his composure is different than before.

She only holds on tighter, clenching his body. She can’t pry herself off of him because then she couldn’t hear his heart beat and then she wouldn’t know.  “I’m so sorry, Cas. I’m sorry. I’m sorry you got stuck in this,” She whispers it like a prayer into his ear, lips getting stained with his blood.

She repeats the words, she apologizes, begs for forgiveness from a man who isn’t even really there. A few nurses come and force her off of him. Meg doesn’t notice the pain in her arm that throbs. She’s had worse, but nothing had ever felt as bad as seeing Castiel on the ground, ghosts of breaths escaping him. By now she’s yelling, but the tears don’t dare fall. That’d be admitting that a terrible thing was about to happen, and she couldn’t do that.

 “Casitel, I’m sorry. I- just. I’m sorry.” She yells as she’s being forced away, arms dragged, putting up a fight that only Meg would.

Ferguson won’t spare a glance to her; only leaning next to the bloody mess on the ground, adams apple bobbing as he cautiously touches him. That’s all Meg sees she’s turned around by the nurses and to an ambulance, spotting Sam already in one, leaning over. There’s thick blood staining from inside his socks and creating puddles. A nurse roughly pushes his joints in the accurate places.

 It’s not until then that she understands they’re pushing her into the ambulance not for Sam but for her. The adrenaline draining from her and the numbness is decreasing to be replaced with sharp pain. She whips her head, curls slapping the cuts on her, making her wince a little.

 “No, I don’t need this. I’m fine.” Her voice is cold, lacking emotion but there’s stubbornness embedded in it.

 “Ms. Masters, I’m afraid you don’t realize just how injured you are. You need help,” The nurse looks down at her with wide, giant eyes holding sincerity.

His grip on her arm almost doesn’t hurt and is in a way comforting. He bends his knees so they’re almost the same height, voice soft as if to keep her calm. “What’s your name, kid?” Meg pulls to a halt, back straightening.

“Samandriel. Please come with me, Meg.” He replies, such a need in his voice to help her get back together. It’s sweet and innocent, and she can’t help but smile a bit.

 “Another angel? Well, at least you’re a good one,” She accompanied her snark with a snort, grabbing one of Samandriel lanky arm, steadying herself, “I’m fine, Samandriel. Really. I’ve been through worse.”

 “Just because it’s been worse doesn’t mean this isn’t bad,” he looks at her as if she’s fragile and about to fall apart in her front yard, and it’s depressing.

 “Yeah, yeah. Alright, just this once.” Her eyes sight is narrowing with swelling of eyelids. She holds onto him a bit tighter, “Will they be okay?” She asks, closing her eyes, deciding it felt better than trying to keep them pried open.

 “We don’t know,” He replied hastily, licking his lips in a nervous gesture.

 “What kind of angel are you?” Meg nearly flinches at the bitterness of her own voice.

There’s a few beats between them before she chuckles, “its fine, kid. I’ll tell you what though; they’re going to be okay.”

 “You can’t possibly know that.”

 “Oh, but I do. Castiel isn’t a liar and he never breaks a promise. Sam wouldn’t leave me just yet, still needs to be here for his mom.”   
  
She feels him lead her up onto the truck and sit her down. Samuel is sitting across from her, she can feel it. Hears his heavy breathing and his knees trembling. He shakily walks from his cot to hers, wrapping an arm around his mother’s shoulders. Slowly opening her eyes, she flashes a smile, stained with scarlet liquid. Still it helps him relax.

 “Hey there, Sammy. Feeling better?” She leans into him, wrapping an arm around his waist.

 “Mom, I’m so sor-”

 “It’s okay. We’re going to be fine, Sam. I promise,” he’s unconvinced but nods anyway, eyes watching her, trying to take her in.

The ride starts and they don’t even notice. The medics try to separate them but Meg tells them to shut up and that they are family. After a few threats, they stop trying to touch either of the two. They sit together close and wrapped in one another, breathing slowly syncing with one another. Some of the medics see it and think it’s a sweet image, the others not enjoying the methods of torture Meg described that would be inflicted upon them if they were interrupted.

Samuel looks so sweet and childlike, leaning on her like that. She sits there, some thoughts escaping her as she watches her little boy. Stroking his hair and smiling to herself.   _What happened?_ Her mind asks, _he used to be so sweet_. _Where did it all go wrong, was it ever even right?_ Their arrival is somewhat a blessing and a curse because as lovely as he looks, her arm feels as if the bones have shattered and is now piercing its way out of her skin. Her shoulder cries out for medication, but she thinks that the boy on her side is enough for her. That she’d allow the pain if it meant her little boy stayed there.

Samandriel and a few other nurses peeled her off Samuel, pushing them into wheelchairs. Sun dipping behind buildings, showing a palette of different shades of peach and apricot. It’s warmth and gentleness, and she swears it hangs down just low enough to touch her and spread her with its own warmth. Holding her little family tight and strong and warm.

Upon arriving inside the hospital, Meg jumps out of the wheelchair. Sending a small, apologetic smile to Samandriel, she starts to beeline towards the ambulance that had trailed behind them. Samuel is alright, and now that she knows that, all she can worry about is Castiel. Because he might not be ok, and the makes her stomach twist and jump. It makes her throat fill with acid and hands shake, but that might be from pain. _Which is becoming harder to ignore_ , she notes.

 She’s so close to him, and she can them rolling his body off on a stretcher. His face has a mask to assist his breathing; she thinks that’s a good sign. They don’t put those on dead people.

Advancing towards him, she is stopped by the familiar stocky figure of Crowley. His face is tired and his posture has changed from that strength and dominance to exhaustion.

 “Move, Crowley,” She growls out because she’s just tired and she just wants to see her angel. There was no way that this doctor was going to stop her.

“No,” He’s fitting back into the mold of when they first met. Head held high, back straight.

“So help me, I will see him. Even if that means I have to get through you,” It’s a threat; they both know it.

 “Over my dead body. He’s not fit to see anyone,” Sliding into his form is like second nature, and it seems natural but there’s emotions flowing through it, shining through cracks.  
  
“Listen to me, Crowle-” She starts, wagging a finger as him, only to be cut off.

 “No, you listen to me, Meg. You don’t want to see him right now,” He drops each syllable like bombs, hoping to get his message through.

“You do not get decide what’s best for him, Ferguson. You treated him like shit and doubted him the whole way. Now, I’m here and he needs me just as much as I need him. So, let me go see him,” Taking a step towards him, her brows furrowing together, determination surging through her.  
  
“You don’t understand. Don’t pretend I’m the bad guy here,” Crowley snorts and rolls his eyes.

 “Spare me your sanctimony,” Meg spits out.

 “My daughter is dead, Meg. How would you react if you found out everything I have? He relapsed, he became what killed her. He’s shrugging her death off and running with you like a child. What am I supposed to do? Give my blessing? He’s the only family; I have left since that day,” his words become sloppy and broken.

 “He’s your family?” her jaw slackens, eyes trying to tell if he is speaking the truth.

 “Of course, he’s all I have left,” Crowley’s voice breaks as he speaks, “I love him like a son.”

“I love him too, you know that, I really do,” Meg’s words aren’t heated just quiet and simple.

Meg’s mind is racing, trying to empathize with Crowley and dealing with the revelations that maybe this wasn’t as simple as she wanted it to be. Her vision swimming, the pain in her arm not helping the situation.

 “I know that,” she waits for him to say more, but his lips form a thin line, holding back any other thing he would say.

 “I just want to see my angel, Ferguson,” Meg is softer now and weaker.

Meg hears the pleading edge in her voice and it stings her. It’s the pain and she’s getting tired because it’s obvious they both love Castiel.

 He says something, but she doesn’t hear it. She only sees his mouth move and his eyes cast downward. Shaking her head to try and clear the numb, drunk feeling from her vision, Meg starts to sag in place.

 “We’re doing it right this time, you know. I’m not going to hurt him; I love him,” It’s a slurred string of words, and that’s all before there’s darkness and peace.

 It’s probably hours before Meg wakes up. The sun has completely disappeared, only light being reflected off the moon. Meg’s trip into consciousness is met with pain all over. Her eyelids are heavy, she doesn’t even attempt to open them. That is until she feels a reassuring hand rubbing circles on the back of hers, then the brown eyes flow open. _Castiel_ , she thinks, smiling on the inside. Only to see it’s not Castiel, but it’s a different reassuring face. One who was there for her all those years ago.

“Don’t tell me my angel ends up being Sam Winchester,” Her voice is filled with such calmness; she wonders if she really is dead.

How fitting it’d be if Sam was the one she last sees. He flashes a wide grin, showing off his canines, rolling his eyes.

 “We all know I wouldn’t be your angel,” he teases, and Meg’s heart slows down.

She hadn’t known it was even beating so quickly. The way he speaks of Castiel though; it means he’s alive, doesn’t it? Plus, Sam wouldn’t hide bad news from her.

 Then there’s a chuckle, deep and gravelly from the other side of the small hospital room.

“Whatever you said to Crowley, it worked.”

And God, she didn’t know relief could make someone high, but right now the pain stops and she feels warm and fuzzy like her first time being drunk- but it’s better. It’s ten times better because this time he’s there.

“Cas, you idiot, you could’ve died! What the hell were you thinking trying a stunt like that!?” she’s tearing up and straining her neck to look at him.

 “Meg, how about you just tell him ‘it’s good to see you?’” Sam pipes up,running a hand through his long hair.

“Sam, it’s fine, it’s her way of saying, ‘I love you.’” Castiel says through a toothy grin that makes him look sixteen again.

Meg gives a small smile, feeling total calm wash over her for the first time in years before looking Castiel deep in the eyes and saying, “No, he’s right, Cas. It’s good to see you again.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Lucifer gone and their family safe for the moment will Castiel and Meg finally be able to get it right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-Authored with http://the-witch-in-a-crowd-of-muggles.tumblr.com/ as she doesn't have an AO3 account.

**One Year Later**

Meg opened her eyes with a groan, shielding herself from the sunlight pouring through the open window. Tossing and turning for a moment, she finally relents and climbs out of bed, stumbling towards the shower. Feeling the hot water rouse her fully, Meg finally remembers what day it is. Even a year later, she feels a small ball of fear and dread coiling in the pit of her stomach. _Some things you just don’t forget_ she thought with a grim smile.

It has been exactly one year since that fateful day with Lucifer, though to Meg it feels like another lifetime ago. Not long after they arrived at the hospital the local sheriff, Jody something as Meg recalled, had spoken to them. At the time, Meg was terrified that suddenly everything would come crashing down again, but luckily Castiel kept a calm head. After brief explanations Jody tipped her cap and wished them a speedy recovery.

Lucifer was gone by the time Meg, Castiel and Sam returned to the partially destroyed house, and though they knew he was out there still, Meg at least felt confident that he would not try his scheme again. As much as Sam and Castiel may have been at odds, their desire to protect Meg was stronger. Of course, with the Devil himself out of the picture, a much larger challenge presented itself. One that made Meg wonder if she didn’t wish she could tangle with Lucifer a second time.

To his credit, Castiel didn’t push for anything. He helped to clean and repair the house and did his best to make things as amicable as possible. Sam was still reeling from everything that had happened. Attempting anything other than getting their lives back to semblance of normal was all that could be asked. Even so, Meg always felt a small flutter of hope every time she saw them working together. It allowed her the idea that one day she might have her family.

“Hey Mom! Breakfast is getting cold!”

Roused from her daydream, Meg smiled to herself. No matter what had happened or that would happen, she had Sam back. It had taken months of therapy and a lot of long nights, but they were finally able to come together again. It was a night full of tears and apologies on both sides, but in the end they were stronger for it. Making her way downstairs, she gave Sam a soft smile as he set the table. Meg stopped at the foot of the stairs, something seeming off all of a sudden. Sam had a scheming look in his eyes that he was desperately trying to hide. While Meg would normally think nothing of it, with what day it was Meg could not help but feel a twinge of fear. The sound of sizzling bacon and bubbling coffee distracted her though, her mood immediately lightening at the man cooking breakfast.

Castiel turned from the stove, giving Meg a soft smile. Meg blushed, still curious how he could make her do that after all this time. Sauntering her way over to him, she gave Castiel a loving kiss before punctuating it with a slap on his ass. A small yelp escaping him, Castiel was quickly the one turning red. Meg smiled, happy that she could still pluck at her angel’s feathers just a bit. Grumbling something about “devil women”, Castiel finished topping off the magnificent spread already on the table. All three began to tuck in with vigor, small moans of appreciation the only thing heard of the sound of chewing.

Meg looked back and forth between Castiel and her son, unable to shake that feeling of fear from earlier. Even after all this time, things were not perfect. It had taken almost six months before Sam would speak to Castiel and even after that things did not improve quickly. Castiel, to his credit, had the patience of a saint. He never pushed Sam further than he was comfortable with and always made sure that Sam and Meg came first. It put small strains here and there on Meg and her angel, but they both knew that it had to be done.

A few months ago there had finally been a breakthrough. Sam surprisingly was the one who had brought it up. Sam wanted Castiel to move in. It was a shock to both Meg and Castiel, as up to that point Sam had barely spoken to Castiel. Betraying maturity beyond his years, Sam said, “It is not fair that he makes the only effort. I’m not saying this will work, but it wouldn’t be fair not to try.”

And here they were a little misfit family. It was like Sam had said, it wasn’t always easy and there was still a lot of work to be done but they were giving it their all.

Breakfast finished, Castiel began to clear the dishes as Sam talked to his mother about the plans for the weekend. Even distracted by her son, Meg could not help but see the conspiratorial glances between Castiel and Sam. The dishes cleared, Castiel re-took his spot at the table, causing Sam to stand a move behind Meg. Now thoroughly confused, and a bit frightened, Meg tensed as Sam took a firm grip on her shoulders, making sure she couldn’t move. Meg turned to look at Sam, a worried question coming out, “Sam what are you doing?”

Sam gave her a serious, but soft look, “Well Dad told me the last time he tried this you ran away. So he wanted a little insurance this time around.”

Meg was so shocked to hear Sam call Castiel “dad” that her son’s words barely registered with her. Her eyes widening, she tore her gaze from Sam’s smiling face to Castiel on one knee in front of her, a small box in his hand. He was fidgeting nervously, and if Meg wasn’t almost hyperventilating at what was happening, she would have found it adorable. Finally Castiel cleared his throat and began to speak, his voice almost an octave higher than normal.

“Meg, this past year has been the most incredible and exciting time in my life. You are the love of my life and I cannot imagine spending a single day more without making us a proper family. I promised you that we were going to do it right, and this is me proving it to you. I’m hoping second time is the charm, but will you do me the honor of being my – mmmphh!”

Castiel never finished his speech as Meg had weaseled her way out of Sam’s grip and threw herself into Castiel’s arms. Sam groaned and turned his head at the spectacle of furious kissing between his parents, a soft smile on his lips. Finally coming up for air, Meg gave Castiel the biggest smile in the world and said, “Yes of course! We’re going to heaven, Clarence!”

Just like that Meg had everything she had wanted. Her big dumb angel, the rambunctious son and her little family tucked away in their corner of the world. She had her family who ate pancakes and made all the dumb jokes that there were. It took fifteen years, but they did it right after all.

**_ The End _ **


End file.
